Pioneer Christian Monthly - September, 1993

The Challenge of Changing Family Values to the Church Today
Ron Opmeer

As a young teenager I was riding my bike on the way to my paper route in Vancouver when all of a sudden a boy no older than 6 years, who I had never seen before, began swearing at me for no apparent reason! Both stunned and amazed, I rode on wondering what the future of our nation will be when the next generation of spoiled, angry little brats like this boy take the hehn. I pondered this incident for many years.

Well, here we are in 1993. This formerly disturbed child is probably preparing for his final year at university along with the rest of his peers. Things didn't turn out so bad. After all, Canada is still a member of the prosperous G7 nations, the world still turns, and the apocalypse still seems a ways away.

Are we prophets of doom out of a job? Should we go the way of the yuppies who traded in their 60's idealism for a bit of realism and a BMW? Perhaps this society's basic moral fabric isn't really coming apart, but instead is being strengthened through diversification - hopefully just like our economies. Ours is a big country, and as many say, there's room for everybody and most every opinion. Besides, who's going to listen to a coffee table quoting Bible verses about rebellious children and signs of the time anyway?

I'm constantly tempted to believe that things really are okay in our lovable nation, especially since moving to conservative rural Alberta! However, the reality of life is that even in Alberta, where intergenerational family networks are strong, the divorce rate is among the highest in Canada - around 50%. The family unit and society as a whole appear to be at risk because of changing values. 'Me facts beckon us to seriously reconsider our optimism. I have come full circle since my teenaged pessimism and again believe that unless the Christian church seeks to impact our society, the children of the next generation are "Children at risk" as Dr. Dobson titled a recent book.

In view of what we will discuss below, I feel ill-equipped to outline what the church's impact should look like or to define exactly what biblical family values are in this society. Instead I wish to raise the challenge to consider ourselves as "prophets in training" (1) by increasing our awareness of some dangerous trends taking place; and (2) by pondering our role as those called to proclaim freedom to the captives" (Luke 4:18).

Things have changed

Perhaps it's hard to notice definite change in a nation's values over a couple of years or even a decade. But over a period of forty years there are marked differences in societal values as indicated by some of the problems which are faced by our children. In his book. "Raising positive kids in a negative world" Zig Ziglar cites examples of how the top problems have changed in the American public schools between 1940 and 1980. In 1940 the big problems in school included "running in the hallways", "throwing spitballs", "making noise" and "littering". In 1980 the top problems included felonies like "robbery", "assault", "drug and alcohol abuse" arson", and vandalism". Assuming that Canadian schools are not too much different, we see that there is a great deal of moral confusion being manifested in the school system.

Children are learning

In regard to child-rearing itself, the pressures upon parents are enormous, especially in urban and suburban settings. While values used to be given and reinforced through the greater family unit with the help of grandparents, uncles, aunts, etc., now most families, even if intact, are islands to themselves. Furthermore, the income earners, increasingly both Mom and Dad, work miles away from the home while children are off being subjected to the values of their peer's groups and the education system for much of the day. Increasingly, this latter influence is becoming worrisome. School systems in Ontario and Saskatchewan have already subscribed to offering their students "teaching" on discovering their sexual orientation just in case the student is a latent homosexual and is forced to repress this orientation because of societal prejudices. There is a definite battle for the minds and morals of students in many of our schools.

After the children come home from school, the T.V. takes over this process of instilling values. What happens is shocking. For example, in regard to sexuality, of the 14,000 sexual references seen and heard annually by the average child, 80% are made between unmarried people (Ziglar, p. 21).

These are just a few examples of the attack upon traditional Christian values. Each one reading this could list off scores more. What defense can be raised against this tidal wave of moral re -programming? Dr. James Dobson identifies only two remaining "strongholds" of the more traditional family values: the Christian Church and the institution of the family ("Children at Risk", p. 22).

Opportunity for the Church

Brian Stiller of the "Evangelical Fellowship of Canada" states that the task of the church "is to demonstrate the validity of our concerns and put forth ideas so that those outside the household of faith will recognize their value and at least stop and listen" (Critical Options for Evangelicals, p. 63).

We have something of great value to offer. Jesus taught that his followers are to publicly reveal the light of Christ in us. We are Christ's hands and feet as well as His mouth. This means that the world must see our acts of love for others, but they also must hear us proclaim the message that"there is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death" (Proverbs 14:12). We see destruction all around us in relationships, in families, and even entire neighbourhoods. As we have opportunity to bind their wounds in the name of Jesus, we can also help them draw conclusions about the consequences of breaking the moral laws of God. We can communicate the sense that it is God's law that gives freedom (James 1:25). In this way family values can be upheld as we appeal to the moral and spiritual laws of cause and effect, sin and death. In short, the laws of God and the Ten Commandments can once again become the standard of common sense.

Seeking common sense

For instance, even while the definition of "family" is in flux because so many stray from God's stated norms, yet researchers have recognized that the abandonment of "traditional values" is a major factor causing the breakdown of relationships. A case in point, studies have shown that couples whose marriages are preceded by living together are 50% more likely to breakup than couples who did not cohabitate before marriage (Bompass and Sweet, 1989b).

The same is true regarding the increased risk of divorce among those who engage in pre-marital sex. The facts are all there, and whether you blame the illicit behaviour per se or the anti- traditional values held by the person, the result is the same - personal brokenness and shattered dreams. There is a way that seems right, but the end is destruction. Only the powerful truth of God's Word which we bear can dispel the worldly wisdom that premarital sexual immorality is healthy and good while abstinence is repressive and silly. It is "by setting forth the truth plainly (that) we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God" (H Corinthians 4:2). By God's grace, the truth also makes common sense.

"Pure religion" updated and expanded

The departure from more traditional family values is also resulting, in changes in family structures, which in turn brings new challenges to the Church's ministry. Perhaps the most significant change is the growing percentage of children who are being raised in single parent households. While women and men are increasingly choosing not to many, there is a growing number of these people who have children to care for. Back in 1982 fifteen percent of mothers chose not to marry while in 1993 that number has risen to 24% (CNN "factoid", 7/93). The reasons for mothers choosing not to marry vary from the Murphy Brown syndrome, to teen pregnancies, to a mistrust of the male partner (many of whom have not proven trustworthy). Nonetheless, the net result is usually an overloaded single-parent who labours bravely to do what God intended both biological parents to do. And this in turn puts the children at risk.

Studies on family structure and children's health ("Journal of Marriage and Family" 53, P. 573) show that compared to children living with both biological parents, children living with single moms (or moms and stepfathers) are in ore likely to fail a grade in school, be expelled or need treatment for emotional or behaviourial problems. Children with single moms are also at increased risk of asthma and are generally more vulnerable to health problems.

In short, the challenge of single parent households is before the Church. The pure and faultless expression of religious devotion of James 1:27 is now to be defined as caring for distressed single -parent households as well as "orphans and widows".

Reaching out

The Scriptures make it clear that we Christians are going to be held accountable for how well we reach out to those who have suffered at the hands of our society's changing family values (Matthew 25:31ff. There is a lot that we can do even at the local level. The men of the church can become big brothers and become male role models for the fatherless. Furthermore, our churches can seek to adopt wining single-parent families to care for their physical needs by assisting financially in a crunch, painting their residence, or doing repair jobs. I know of one church which has even set up a free auto repair shop just to look after the vehicles Of those who can't afford to do so. Whatever needs exist in the growing sub-culture of the single family, they can most likely be met by those who serve in the name of Christ.

Where to start

First and foremost the battle for family values starts within our own homes by upholding the sanctity of marriage and by bringing up of children "in the training anc[ instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). Providing the example of an unshakable and serving faith will be the most important thing we can offer to those we love. Pure religion also means keeping ourselves "from being polluted by the world" (James 1:27). Almost every time we turn on the radio, T.V., or see a video we have choices to make which determine for us which values we really espouse. Our children need to see our courage and wisdom in making unpopular decisions for their benefit. We should remember that the people on the outside will be watching too. God has also given them consciences which can testify to what is true - especially when truth is spoken or expressed in love.

Conclusion

With change comes challenge. We know that we are not contending simply with misguided but with spiritual and worldly forces bent on destroying families through deception and falsehood. Jesus has sent the Holy Spirit not only to "convict the world of guilt in regard to sin" but also to guide us "into all truth" (John 16). With this truth which we have received may we boldly continue to challenge the changing tides of family values knowing that, through prayer, God's truth will prevail over the moral confusion of our nation.

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