Pioneer Christian Monthly - September, 1976

Victory IN Spite Of Suffering
Anonymous

Why does God allow this chronic pain?

What Questions do you speak to the Lord?

When you ask what my questions were in the beginning, then I'll have to answer that they are still the same today as they were when the pain began, which was many years ago now.

I have found no answers to the "Why" of it all. Whatever the purpose may be, God has not revealed the reason for it to me. Yes, there are some benefits from pain, this is the lining on the clouds so to speak.

One benefit: Forced immobility or less mobility. This provided me with time for meditation and study. This I accept as "A charge to keep".

Do you find that you are always able to accept your condition?

No, certainly not. There ever remains the longing to be pain-free. I suppose human nature is such that it will rebel against all infringement of bodily well-being. Besides, Satan hits at the most vulnerable spot in time. I find myself sometimes with "clenched fists" if not in fact, then mentally, resisting his attacks- He takes different approaches. He tempts me to impatience and self-pity most often, perhaps.

She finds unfailing Help when needed.

However, unfailingly I find true strength and comfort in Scripture. It may sometimes seem unrelated to the problem of the moment, yet God's Word has a certain way of reaching the need where nothing else can.

For instance. One night recently the pain was excruciating' I found that I could not recall even one verse of Scripture. (I have the custom of "reading" from memory in trying times when I'd rather not turn on the light.) I then got up and looked for John 14 : 1: "Let not your heart be troubled found that and then continued reading. Suddenly John 16: 27 jumped (so it seemed) at me with its comfort and truth.

Did the pain leave me? No, but Satan was defeated, my trust was completely restored. "For the Father himself loves you . . . I am in the circle of God's Love, that is all that matters.

Do you feel God has sent this?

There are unanswered questions. But I feel secure in the knowledge that nothing happens without the will of my Heavenly Father. Practically from the beginning I knew that.

Is there hope for your condition by surgery?

At the beginning already I was warned that this would be permanent. They do surgery on cases such as mine. But after 10 years my condition has deteriorated and the risk of surgery is too great. I would have had a better chance for corrective surgery 10 years ago. I am very glad I can walk. I use a cane at present.

How did you maintain Faith?

Well, I did not by myself keep faith, but it was the faithfulness of God. The God of love and mercy revealed himself to me when I was practically yet a baby and He was faithfull to me. I will share with you how I was fortified spiritually for life.

I was born in September, 1916. My earliest memory of total dependance on God in faith is of the time I had blood poisoning in my arm. My parents had to apply fresh alcohol bandages hourly. And during this procedure they prayed.

The next recollection I have was on June 4, 1919 when my sister was born. (Babies were born at home then.) Although I did not really know what was happening, this sense of trust and dependency emanated again through my parents. I distinctly recall comparing God's Love with the warm rays of the sun, in which I played that day.

My father's reading of the scriptures, Mother singing ner faith and quoting large portions of the Scriptures she learned by memory. I still "hear",them.) The reflection of Christ in their lives has left a deep impression on me.

To be sure, their life was not a bed of roses. Supporting 11 children is hard work. Mother's health was poor. She suffered attacks of gal stones with intense pain. She did finally submit to surgery, but the attacks had by then damaged her heart.

In 1926 our family experienced loss in the death of my younger sister who was five years old. she died because of faulty serum used in a small pox vacillation. She suffered for 8 days. There were 3 operations without any anesthesia. She died peacefully saying goodnight to the family around her, one by one. She told the family not to cry for, "Jesus loves Tina and He loves me too."

It is needless to speak of our sorrow. Yet, through it all I can hear my father's voice, reading. And mother's voice singing of her faith and trust in a loving God.

We lived through the depression. The hardships somehow strengthened faith.

Then World War II came and in 1944 my 3rd brother was assassinated. He was chief of police in charge of Black Market Control. For this he was killed. He was only 36 years old, married and the father of 3 children and a lay preacher in a Baptist Church. He was a totally committed Christian. I remember hin most vividly as we sang one o his favorite hymns, "Moment by Moment". Again the faithfulness of a loving, caring Heavenly Father over-ruled against all odd: of sorrow and loss.

So that is how I learned to know the Lord and serve hin better. I love to study the Scriptures. I will, go on, in whatever condition I find myself.

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