Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - Oct/81

Contributor - Sharon Van Beek

Title - Sexual Morality: A Christian Perspective

Topic - Sex

Introduction

In a recent survey in the "Time" magazine, on sexual morality, it was found that though most 'Americans", "are talking more openly about sex, they are increasingly confused about moral values.

"North Americans like to think Of themselves as sexually knowledgeable. "en the time comes, however, for the average parent to educate his child in sexual procedures and meanings, he finds himself thrown into embarrassment and confusion and quickly finds something else to do.

"Because many parents are so un easy about discussing sex, their children grow through teenage to adulthood acquiring their knowledge in school and with friends, often in cars ana at unchaperoned parties. "

When children learn about sex.from friends, magazines and bathroom walls, there is no Christian guidance.

As a parent I had some reservations about how to approach this subject with teenagers. In talking to other parents I found the same concerns. For this reason the editorial committee of the Pioneer has approached several knowledgeable individuals to answer a list of questions concerning the application of Christian principles to sexual education, in the hope that their answers might be of some guidance for all parents.

Contributing to this article are: Dr. V. Isaac, a family practitioner in Oakville, Ontario; Rev. F.J. Guinta, pastor of Roxboro Community Church, Quebec; and Mrs. S. Hekhuis of Brantford, Ontario. Their responses are based on a series of questions that were formulated by the editorial board of the Pioneer.

What is sexual intercourse?

Dr. Isaac: Sexual intercourse can be defined in several ways. Society tends to define it simply as a physical act. This act may or may not have attached to it the concept of loving, caring and commitment. In common parlance, words and phrases such as "scoring, making out and a roll in the hay", have become common substitute ways of expressing the concept of sexual intercourse; especially with our young adults. Defined in this way, sex may not get elevated beyond animal sexuality where "any old girl dog will do".

From a Christian viewpoint, sexual intercourse needs to be understood in the light of God's intention for sex. When the Bible refers to sexual intercourse, it uses the word "to know". "Adam knew Eve, his wife, and she conceived..." (Genesis 7:1) The implication is that human sexuality at its best is a total encounter. The physical component cannot be separated from the spiritual, emotional and intellectual aspects of our being. Sex is intended to be the symbol of the total unity of husband and wife. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh', (Genesis 2:2).

In Genesis 1:31 we read, "God saw all that He made and it was very good." (NIV)

It was only after man's fall into sin that man, as a sexual being, had the option to use his sexuality in a way that was less than "very good". Society has been struggling with the implications of this ever since.

Rev. Guinta: By definition it is Coitus, which is the physical union of the male sexual organ with the female. To define sex (intercourse) from a Spiritual perspective one must first see that the ultimate task is not to be sexually fulfilled - but to be a whole person. Sexual activity is then just one part of many relationship helps; to develop relationships. Wholesome fulfillments become the aim. The Commandments seek to have us in a right relationship with God (1-4), with one another (5-9) and with ourselves (10).

Mrs. Hekhuis: The complete uniting of two persons into one. Basically the term implies a physical uniting, but really, as God intended it to be, it is a uniting of the emotional and spiritual aspects of our personalities as well.

Should intercourse be saved until marriage?

Dr. Isaac: We have often heard the bylines; "If it feels good, do it" or "Whatever turns you on". The nonacceptance of an absolute moral authority by most of our society, leads to the conclusion that no one has the right to prescribe for another person, what should or should not be done regarding sexual behaviour. By this criterion, there is no good reason not to strive for sexual intimacy whenever the option presents itself. What is advertised as sexual freedom or liberation becomes a bondage to a philosophy which fails to fulfill man's desire for "life, liberty, and persuit of happiness".

For the committed Christian, there are no options in his sexual decision making. The Bible clearly states that intercourse outside of marriage is out of God's will. Not only is it less than what our Creator wished to be "very good", but it is a sin against Him as well. Mark 7:21 reads as follows: "Far from within, out of the heart of men proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, (intercourse between a married person and someone other than his spouse) fornication, (intercourse between an unmarried man and woman) murderers ... (v. 23). All *these evil things come from within and defile the man." (KJV) Ephesians 5:2233 is a powerful proclamation of the degree of mutual commitment and love demanded by a Christ-centered marriage. The eros of passionate love is integrated into the agape love of God in order to attain the best expression of marital unity. "Intercourse calls for total giving, total involvement and mutuality. It is not just scratching a genital itch, appeasing hormonal passions; it is, the Bible says: 'the language of oneness'." ("His Guide to Sex, Singleness and Marriage - IVP, p.33)

In "His Guide to Sex, Singleness and Marriage", there is an excellent summation of how we can have healthy sexual relations while still single: talk about marriage and while not all the teaching on marriage applies to dating, nothing in the dating relationship should violate the marriage relationship. In other words, sexual relationships in dating should be so discreet that they in no way violate future intimacy in marriage. In this sense, anything which promotes premarital sex is wrong. Lust is not 'I want it', but 'I want it now'. There is nothing wrong with sexual desire, but it should be expressed and fulfilled in a way appropriate to the relationship.

"Probably the most basic principle to follow, is never to make a commitment on a physical level. This contradicts another mythical axiom from our society. 'We do not need to advance physically in order to find out whether the relationship is worth continuing. In fact, when the physical advances too quickly, the intellectual, emotional and spiritual aspects of the relationship tend to stagnate. So while our society says physical first, the truth is that all aspects of the relationship should progress in keeping with each other. If anything, the physical should fall behind, since it is the one aspect which does not take lots of time to learn. (Everybody can kiss, but not everybody can carry on a conversation.) If we place ourselves so that the emotional, intellectual, spiritual and practical aspects of our dating are developing as fast as, if not faster, than the physical, then the physical will eventually takes its own place in a healthy marriage. "

Rev. Guinta: Sex out of place elevates it to too high a priority. In this position interest is only to gratify ourselves, rather than seeking in proper perspective to develop interdependent relationships. To put intercourse in perspective it must be seen as an act that is absent of self gratification, absent of covetousness and absent of theft (to take from some_ one what we have no right Only marriage provides the very best arena for sexual activity. (Note.- Eros, by John White)

Mrs. Hekhuis: Yes, because this is God's command (Hebrews 13:4).

What are the effects of premarital sex?

Dr. Isaac: Premarital sex can have many effects on an individual, some obvious, others subtle. Statistics indicate that up to 80% of young women engage initially in intercourse without actively utilizing birth control. The obvious result is an increasing number of pregnant young women in the doctor's office lamenting, "But I only did it once" or "I didn't think it could possibly happen to me" or "I can't decide what to do about the pregnancy". Apart from pregnancy, what other factors are :involved? All around us, on billboards, in magazines, in student newspapers, on television, we see reminders that sexual satisfaction is a primary goal in our society. No matter what we hear from others on a Monday morning following a weekend of sexual exploits, intercourse outside of marriage is not the most satisfying experience of sex. Within the confines of my medical office walls are the countless retold stories of loneliness, alienation, anger, frustration and guilt associated with premarital and extramarital sexual experiences.

Public awareness of the risk of venereal disease has increased markedly in recent years, however, this knowledge does not yet appear to be a deterrent to premarital sex. Once diagnosed, most venereal disease can be eradicated, however, sexually transmitted viral illnesses like herpes genittalis tend to be recurrent. There is no specific treatment which can "cure" this disease for which the medical consequences can be rather drastic. Other tragedies such as post gonorrheal sterilization etc. are not footnoted in magazine articles or books promoting sexual freedom and experimentation.

As great as the consequences may be, sexual sin is no more sinful than any other sin. In Romans 1:24-32, sexual sin is included in the same list with gossip, disobedience to parents and boastfulness, Within the church we tend to rate sexual sins on a scale of "1 out of 10" while "little white lies" don't count. We all need God's forgiveness, which He promises (I John 1:9) and His redemption (Rom. 5:8; John 1: 1 2).

Rev. Guinta: If premarital sex is a problem it should be treated from a reconciliation perspective (in the same way we would treat extra-marital sex). First, the person(s) involved are loved and cared for; second, the action is a sin; third, God forgives; fourth, forgiveness is the gift received as a result of confession; and fifth, reconciliation is the result of reformation.

Mrs.Hekhuis: I am certain that there is a sense of guilt and shame which often carries with it it's own form of punishment. Innately I am sure the people involved must realize that they have been cheated out of God's best, although perhaps they may not be able to exactly pinpoint the reason for their dissatisfaction. Undoubtedly the woman's sense of self-esteem is diminished and this can drive a real wedge between the couple. very often this guilt carries over into marriage causing a less than satisfactory sexual relationship. There is also the every increasing possibility today of developing venereal disease. Physicians are finding that a number of people are becoming resistant to the antibiotics previously used for effective treatment. Both V.D. and abortions can be causative factors in being unable to later bear a child. Actually the effects are far-reaching both physically and emotionally.

To be continued next issue.

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