Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - Oct/78

Contributor - John J. Opmeer

Title - Marraige After Divorce

Topic - Remarriage

What should a pastor do, when a member of his congregation who is divorced approaches him with plans to marry again ?

WHAT POLICY SHOULD THE LOCAL CHURCH HAVE?

There was a time when a pastor did not have to worry about such problems. Divorces were extremely rare among Christians. But our time is different. Ours is a 'throw-away' society. Marriages have not escaped the crumbling of once-holy traditions. One out of three now end in divorce! Add to this the number of those who live together common law, and then drift apart again! With the vast increase in the number of divorced persons - many of them church members - the request for remarriage after divorce is also on the rise. No pastor can avoid dealing with this often embarrassing situation. But what is he to do? Didn't Jesus teach that remarriage, after divorce, is equal to adultery?

What God has put together.....

There is no doubt that Jesus taught that marriage is for life. ". . ... till death do us part." In Matthew, the Pharisees put Jesus to the test by inviting him to take sides in a famous Jewish legal dispute: "Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?" (19: 3). The issue is that between the school of Shammai, for whom divorce was permissible only on the grounds of adultery; and the school of Hillel, for whom divorce was permissible on many grounds. Jesus' first answer is to state, with reference to Genesis 2: 24, that God joins man and wife together for life. And He adds: "What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder." (19:6.) However, Jesus immediately follows up by declaring that under certain circumstances man may put the marriage bond asunder: namely, when there is "unchastity" (19:9). Thus, Jesus seems to come down on the side of Shammai! (See also Matthew 5: 32; Mark 10: 2-12, and Luke 16: 18).

Further information on this subject comes from the apostle Paul, in I Cor. 7: 10, 16. He, too, first states the rule, and then the exception. There is to be no divorce in a Christian marriage (10, 11), nor in a mixed marriage, at least not at the initiative of the Christian partner (12-14). But if the non-Christian partner initiates divorce, the Christian is free, presumably to marry again (15). Paul does not abandon Jesus' teaching about marriage. Indeed, he repeats it. But he adds another exception, accommodating the teaching to the new situation of mixed marriages.

The Exceptions

What do the two exceptions have in common? Both deal with a conflict between the principle of life-long marriage, and the actual situation in which there is no longer a "one-flesh" marriage. In the one case, the marriage continues, but one partner has broken the 'oneness' by committing adultery. In the other, the 'oneness' has been broken by the desire of the unbelieving partner to separate. It is not difficult to think of other situations - not specifically mentioned in the Bible - where the one-flesh relationship has broken down beyond reconciliation, and where divorce would seem to be just as reasonable.

There is no doubt that it is God's intention that husband and wife should stay together in the unique bond of marriage which is broken only by death. For man to break that relationship, in fact or legally - is to break God's commandment. God hates divorce! (Malachi 2:16). It is equally clear that Jesus recognized that sin may cause such a breakdown of the marriage relationship that repair is no longer possible, and divorce becomes the lesser of two evils. Adultery is the most obvious example, but certainly not the only one!

As far as Scripture is concerned we have the following situations:

1. The Christian whose "one flesh" relationship with the marriage partner has been broken because of the partner's unchastity is allowed to divorce, and enter another relationship (Matt. 19: 9). However the better way is that of reconciliation.

2. The Christian whose "one flesh" relationship with the marriage partner has been broken because of different beliefs (one becoming a Christian) is not allowed to initiate divorce (I Cor. 7: 12,13). However, if the other partner wants divorce, the Christian is not to fight it. Once divorced, the Christian is free to re-marry (I Cor. 7: 15).

3. The Christian who obtained divorce for other than reasons of the partner's unfaithfulness should seek reconciliation with the previous partner. The divorce was unscriptural, and the first marriage is still valid in God's sight. Should reconciliation prove impossible either the partner refuses to be reconciled, or has married again - the Christian is to remain single. (I Cor. 7: 11).

Can a New Start be made ?

So far, the 'Law' has more or less had the last word! "This is the way it ought to be." But what about the Gospel? What about repentance, following breaking of God's law? If there is no way 'back' into the first marriage, even after repentance and efforts to come to reconciliation, has the new Christian or forgiven sinner reached a 'dead point'? Or is Jesus willing to make a new start?

No one who has broken God's commandments is denied forgiveness in the name of Jesus Christ, upon repentance. After forgiveness, God remembers our sin no more! The church should not, either! Obligations of the past remain, but further punishment is not called for. The sin of unscriptural divorce is no exception!

A person who is truly repentant for the part he or she has played in the marriage breakdown, or in asking for divorce, must be forgiven of past sins, and be allowed to begin anew as one who now walks with the Lord. One sign of repentance will be that of seeking for reconciliation, whether or not the previous partner has married again. If the partner has married again, and the person who seeks reconciliation shows definite signs of having resolved the difficulties of the past, and is ready to enter a new marriage as a forgiven sinner I see no reason why the church should refuse to make a new dnd better union possible. The decision to perform such marriage ceremony must be taken only after extensive counseling, and with full approval of the elders of the church.

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