Date - Nov 16/62

Contributor - Henry Van Essen

Title - Christian Courtship - Part 2

Topic - Youth

I would like you to consider now the relationship between man and woman as it is created by the Lord. Paul, the apostle, compares marriage between man and woman with the union between the Lord Jesus Christ and His Bride, the Church, consisting out of all believers. This means that the union between a husband and wife is more than the legal paper which says that they now belong to each other. This means that there must be an inner union, a mental union, but above all, a spiritual union between husband and wife. This is the requirement for a "real" marriage, made in the sight of God.

You say that this spiritual business does not have much to do with sex, but you are forgetting that God formed Adam from the dust - that is, He formed his body and then God blew in Adam's nostrils, and man became a living soul. God created man with a body and a soul. The two in this life cannot be separated. If you feel on top of the world, then you are so full of vigor that there seems to be no end to your energy. On the other hand, a person who is really "down", does not feel like doing anything, not even eating, usually. Sometimes you hear of a football player who discovers after the game that he broke a bone, but the enthusiasm kept him going; only afterwards did the pain make itself felt. This goes to show you that soul and body are very closely bound together. You cannot love a person with your body only, because you always become emotionally involved. Neither can you love a person, on the other hand, who loves with the body but is miles away in the mind, or who is maybe against you. Then you are just using our body for some physical excitement. Then you come very close to selling your body, even if it be not for money. But you cannot call that love anymore.

No, God created man body and soul, and in order that man may be perfectly happy, this union must remain, and become perfect. And this can only come about, when there is union between man and his Maker. God also holds it to be very important that body and soul stay together. That is why there is not only the spiritual rebirth, but also at the end the resurrection of the body for believers and unbelievers alike.

Now during the Fall, the relation between body and soul was distorted. You see, the body needs food, stuff, that you can eat and drink. But the soul also needs food; and when Adam and Eve turned away from God they cut off their food supply for their soul And without food the soul also dies. Now our gracious God has in Jesus Christ always extended help to the person who longed for the right food. But others have tried to supply a substitute food, very often in sex. They thought that the beauty they found there was enough to keep their souls alive. They could live like this forever. And very often this the suggestion made in the movies when you see the outlaw "who has now gone straight", deeply in love with the woman who "found herself again", arms around each other walking away at the end of the movie into a serene life. The unspoken suggestion is then that they lived long and happy thereafter.

But this is not so, for these persons have not found the only source of peace and food for the soul, the Lord Jesus Christ. They have not found forgiveness and reconciliation through Him with the Father; and as long as a person has not found that, he will always be hungry, longing for the peace that passes understanding. Remember the words of our Lord, who warned us that in the latter days many would say they had found the Christ here, or there, meaning that they would think that they had found the fulfilment of their lives, the hunger-stilling formula, in one thing or another. So there are many who think that sex gives peace; but it does not. Sex in itself is empty. This may not seem so when you stand at the beginning. But talk to them who have emptied this cup to the bottom, and you will hear that there is still emptiness, dissatisfaction, and no real peace.

V. UNION

Sex than cannot fulfill its function apart from love. And there cannot be any real love apart from a mental and spiritual union between two persons. Now what constitutes a union? This is a question which has kept the politicians and others in the United States of America busy from the time of the War of Independence; and it is still a hot question, since the Federal troops moved into the State of Mississippi. The idea that is agreed upon is that there is a certain oneness of action and purpose as expressed in the Federal Government, but that at the same time each state remains to be recognized as an entity in itself. Tt is thus outwardly one, in meeting a common enemy, in being represented by other governments, etc. But inwardly it is recognized that each state remains responsible for most conditions within its bounds. This is different from the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics, the U.S.S.R., which is not a union, since one central government controls all republics; that is why we speak in such case of puppet states or puppet governments.

It has however sometimes been difficult for the United States to keep the right balance between one-ness and states-rights. That is why there was a civil war, that is why lately there was the clash in Oxford, Mississippi: the Federal Government said: "Integration"; the State of Mississippi said, "No, that is our right to decide"-

Now from this we learn in regard to our subject. When two people love one another this may lead to marriage, a union. This means then that in marriage there is a certain oneness of purpose. To the outside world man and wife are one; they represent a unity. But at the same time they remain man and woman, two per-, sons. That means, that when either the man or the wife rules over everything - including the whole life of the marriage partner - that there is no union, but a dictatorship. Another question: if we compare man and woman to a state, where is the "federal government" ?

And so you find in marriage examples where the husband is the absolute power in the house; or again, where the wife holds sway and the husband apparently just moved in, when they married; or again, where both man and wife are always defending their own rights. And with the idea that the wife also has rights, the divorce rates have increased, since a lot of persons when they are married, are only willing to agree to something if it does not harm their own position.

That is not the union God meant us to have in marriage. When the apostle Paul compares it to the union of Christ and His Church, he means a union in love. What you need to have in a correct marriage is a "federal government" to whom both man and wife are responsible. And this is provided by God in Himself. As a matter of fact, there cannot be a real union between two persons (or for that matter between more persons, as in a congregation) until they all know themselves to be in the same position, sinners in the sight of God, saved by grace, having received the Lord Jesus Christ as indeed their Lord and Saviour for now and for all time to come. If a man and woman marry then the Lord Jesus is Master of both. The man looks at his wife as a child of God, a redeemed person, loved by God the Father, having received the Holy Spirit; and the woman sees in her husband also the redeemed sinner, loved from above given by God to her as her marriage partner. Both are equal and both are loved by God; both rejoice in the same Lord and redemption, and both look to the same future. Spiritually united then, loving one another, they long to become wholly one, and God has given them this opportunity in the means of sex.

What then does this mean to us, young people, when we meet each other as boy or girl?

First we must always remember that the other one is created by God, and given to the parents.

That if this person is to live in the biblical sense of the word, that there must be a commitment. But in all cases never forget that the other person is a person, body and soul; that you must respect that personality; that real union must first be spiritual and mental union, as over against physical union; and that then, and only then, sex may be the deepest expression of this love.

Secondly, we always must remember, that body and soul, we, and everybody else, whether they believe it or not, belong to the Lord. This will help us to decide what is right and what is wrong. It may not always be agreeable to our own feelings, but it is the only standard.

Thirdly, respect your partner for the decision made by her (him) in regard to the conduct while you are together. Remember, it was made over against the Lord.

And lastly, bring up the courage to pray together right away when you park the car, or wander off alone together; ask the Lord to help you and He will carry you through.