Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - Nov 1/62

Contributor - Henry Van Essen

Title - Christian Courtship - Part 1

Topic -Youth

This "I would die" business (see Oct.,15 issue) leads us to another area of our self. Last time we spoke about the way our conduct over against our boy (girl) friend seems almost to come about in a natural way. But a couple just does not exist all by itself; there are also our friends in school and at work. It is very important for us to be accepted in the group in which we are moving around daily. We must maintain a certain standing in this group, and therefore we must do what gives us this standing - usually some kind of deed that draws admiration, or which proves that you are a real sport, or a part of the gang, or simply that you are a person to be respected. This admiration or respect is not always the result of deeds or accomplishments that draw the same amount of admiration and respect in the opinion of our parents. . . . or of our Lord. A group of young people in school or at work usually has its own standards which make a boy a fellow and a girl a real gal.

This drives us sometimes to deeds and places, where we know that we are wrong. But for the sake of acceptance in the group, we go, or do it, anyway. After all, if we would not be accepted as regular, but instead be looked upon as a square, there would not be anything left, now would there? And this has sometimes unhappy results also in regard to courtship. This may drive a person so far, that he (she) will do anything, just anything, to prove that he (she) is a "regular". Sometimes this comes about in a gradual way.

First there was the kind of shy going "steady". It was all nice and fine, and when you met your friend during daytime, you could look straight into each other's eyes. You could sit open-eyed at the table with your parents, and in the pew in church. But even though you go steady, you will still have contact with your buddies, be they girls or fellows. And usually there is some kind of "shop-talk" about going steady. The danger then is that it goes the same way when fishermen get together; each one has done something that surpassed what the others had done. And if you are left at the bottom end of the string with your deeds and accomplishments, you almost feel it as a. necessity to come with something good the next time. And the Lord knows where such things can lead.

If we now analyze such conduct and the reasons which often lead to such conduct over against one of the opposite sex, then we come to the conclusion that very often this springs forth from a) a desire to express ourselves in more than words, or b) to prove that we are not chicken. And in the more than romantic circumstances (a), or in the desire to remain acceptable (b), we forget the Lord, and never ask what the real meaning and purpose of sex is. Such questions are stored away in a seemingly convenient back alley of our self, where we do not expect anybody to penetrate . . . which very often does not happen either . . . until it is too late.

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