Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - Nov/82

Contributor - Babbette Moerman (Mooy)

Title - Christian Dating and Christian Marriage

Topic - Youth

I am going to write on the qualities a Christian should look for in a potential date or marriage partner, and those you should avoid. Dating and marriage are serious matters and I believe you should not just take any guy or girl who comes along.

Briefly, let us look at some things non-Christians might expect in a date. Usually number one on the list of priorities is that the person definitely must be good-looking. I am not saying that Christians do not date good-looking people because this is not so, but this is not the main thing that Christians look for. Other things a girl or boy may look for in a partner is that he or she has a flashy car, lots of money, and be really easy going. All I can say is, if that is all a person looks for in a date he/she is not worth dating. I am sure none of you would just want to be dated because you have a nice car, lots of money and are easy going. People may say it helps but the important thing to look for is what is inside a person.

I believe that the most important quality is whether he/she is a growing Christian. I did not just say a Christian but a growing Christian. Lots of people may say, "Well, yeah, he/she goes to church", or "Yeah, but, he/she is still a great person", or "Well, I told him/her he/she must become a Christian and he/she said yeah". People can come up with all sorts of excuses but none will make up for the fact that this person must be a growing Christian. One must be careful to see if this person's walk with Jesus is his/her highest goal and priority. Be watchful for those people who say they are Christians, but they gossip, swear, pick fights and read questionable magazines. These are only a few examples but they obviously tell you that such a person is not the person to date.

Avoid dating guys and gals who are non-Christians because they will pull you down and interfere with you Christian life. It says in II Corthintians 6:14, "Do not be teamed with those who do not love the Lord, for what do the people of God have in common with the people of sin?" How can light live in darkness?" We must obey God. Something practical we all can do is to make a promise to ourselves and to God that we will date and marry growing Christians.

Another thing I feel very strongly about is does the person have respect for the family; especially the parents. He/she must be at peace at home. Avoid guys or gals who constantly put down their parents with the familiar and supposedly cool line, "My old man and old lady". I mean, if a guy or girl cannot even get along at home and does not respect his/her parents how then can this person begin another relationship? It is very important for a person to respect his/her parents no matter how wrong one may think they are. That is why it says in Proverbs 6:20, "Young man obey your father and mother." That includes girls as well. It is said that the way a father treats his wife is the way his son will treat his wife and the way a daughter treats her father is the way she will treat her husband. Avoid dating people who say, "Well, skip what your old man says. He's so behind the times he doesn't know what he's saying." These persons will soon lose respect for you if not now, then after marriage.

Another thing to consider is, does the person have a high set of morals and will he/she maintain those high standards no matter what? In other words, avoid dating people who make it their main concern to fulfill their sexual appetites. To say that dating standards have changed nowadays is not true because for Christians they really have not.

Lastly I would like to say that a person should be willing to wait for God's timing in marriage, which includes waiting for the right mate as well as for the right timing. To give you an example of someone's patience and obedience read Genesis 29:20, "So Jacob spent the next seven years working to pay for Rachel. But they seemed to him but a few days, he was so much in love". Now that's what I call waiting for God's timing. Then it wasn't Rachel he got after seven years. Jacob had to wait seven more years. We are to let God in on our dating life and let Him choose when the time and person is right, because He knows best.

I hope that this hasn't come across to you as a lot of do's and don't's because it wasn't intended to sound that way. No one needs to carry around a checklist to find the perfect mate. The main point I wanted to make is that when we obey God we will then date and marry a growing Christian. The person should be one who obeys and respects his/her parents for this behaviour from the home will carry over into marriage. Finally, we must be patient and allow God to choose the right time and the right person. Obviously everyone has a different and natural attraction to another, but as long as the person we choose to date or marry is a Christian and is willing to grow, other things will fall into there rightful places.

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