Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - Nov/80

Contributor - Art and Chris Zeistra

Title - The Wedding Reception - Creative Alternatives

Topic - Marriage

Too often we as Christians find ourselves in a trap. We feel that others have certain expectations of us, that "everyone does it", that "we owe it to our friends", and that, while we have our principles, we don't like to offend people. We find this pattern occurring in many areas of our lives. One very sensitive time when we encounter this situation is with wedding preparations. More and more, Christian young people are wanting to escape the elaborate celebration which big business wants to sell them.

In our society much emphasis is placed on the "garments and merrymaking", but little thought is given to the worship service, the seriousness of the vows, and the preparation for marriage. This is evident when many couples spend thousands of dollars for a big celebration, much time and energy in arranging , for clothes, catering a hall, liquor, band (and oh yes, we'll need a church and a minister, I guess), but have not time (or interest) in pre-marriage counselling.

Where are our priorities? This is the question many Christian couples are asking. And many of them, having asked that question, would like to reject the idea that a wedding should include dinner, a dance, and liquor. For many, this is a heavy financial burden and seems a matter of poor stewardship. But also there is the question of consistency. All too often, a meaningful wedding ceremony is mocked by the party that follows it. The worship service deals with a godly commitment. Why then should we spend hours in fleshly, worldly things as a part of our celebration? Is this where our values are? Too often there is a great difference between the crowd who participated in the sacred ceremony and the crowd (the same group of people) who stagger home after the party and collapse, unable to rouse themselves a few hours later for Sunday morning worship. This may be overstated, but it places a big question mark on what we really mean by a Christian wedding.

How then can a couple celebrate their marriage with their family and friends if they choose to reject the traditional wedding reception?

God's people are a creative people. After all, we are made in the image of the Creator. Truly we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We are called to be unique, spontaneous, and creative in our life and worship. "Don't copy the behaviour and customs of this world, but be a new and different people with a fresh newness in all 'you do and think. Then you will learn from your own experience how His ways will really satisfy you." (Romans 12:2, The Living Bible)

Here then are some ideas for practical alternatives to the traditional wedding reception.

l. The wedding ceremony followed by dinner, light lunch, or stand-up reception, which could be followed by a program.

A. A light lunch or stand-up reception could be more economical, but need not be so. An interesting (and perhaps unusual) assortment of hors d'oeuvres and/ or pastries could be served. Be creative; don't be afraid to be different. This is your wedding. Make it special, without overburdening yourselves and your parents financially.

B. The program, especially, is a place where you can exercise your creativity. The options (and combinations of options) are endless. Here are a few:

1. The bride and groom (and perhaps others in the wedding party or family) could be prepared to share some thoughts, feelings, etc. in the form of speeches, songs, skits, or dialogue type of presentation. This might be a time for a testimony or a reflection on both lives and how God led you together. Many of your friends don't know these details and would be interested.

More important than the usual jokes are sincere expressions of faith in God, thanksgiving to parents (and others) and honest expressions of love. After all, the celebration is a love-feast, a gathering together of those who care for the couple, to experience with them this meaningful event in their lives, so don't be afraid to be serious. "A barrel of laughs", undermines the true significance of the occasion, although there certainly is a place for gaiety. Try to keep a good balance.

2. Groups or individuals, whether friends, church groups, or professionals, could be asked to perform in music or drama. A specific suggestion would be something like the Covenant Players. An original drama, whether light or serious, on your lives would be very appropriate. Don't be afraid to consult books, friends, or experts for ideas. This too is an area where you can be creative and make your wedding special.

3. Activities can add a lot. There are a variety of mixers, games which get people talking to one another. Other ideas would be to,, ask each table, group, couple, individual to prepare a page which would become part of a memory book of your wedding, far more personal than the traditional guest book. Or, each table or group could be asked to present a skit (perhaps on a given subject) or prepare an artistic creation (from materials provided - the more of the supplies used, the higher the rating of their project) and give an explanation of their work of art.

Sound crazy? Maybe, but no sillier than many of the dances people enjoy! Here again, your creativity will lead you.

II. Another alternative is to re-arrange the order or arrange the timing so there is no expectation of a dance or entertainment.

A. An evening wedding ceremony does not allow time for dinner followed by a dance or long program. This allows you freedom to choose only light refreshments and, a program, or dinner possible followed by a short program.

B. Beginning with a meal, anticipating the ceremony in your celebration is a totally different way of experiencing a wedding. In this way the worship service would be the climax of the celebration. the last thing before the people Would go home. There would a "looking forward" to this point during the entire time together. This would blow the tradition of the couple of seeing one another before the ceremony on the wedding day, but this too is just a custom of the world. A short program after the meal could allow time for the wedding party to change clothes if this was desired.

These are just a few ideas. The possibilities are many. Ask God to open your minds, that His Spirit can direct you in planning your wedding, that He will give you fresh ideas, and that He will give you courage to be "different", so that this memorable may in your lives will be to the praise of His glory.

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