Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - Nov/78

Contributor - John J. Opmeer

Title - Marruage After Divorce? Part 2

Topic - Remarriage

What should a pastor do, when a member of his congregation who is divorced approaches him with plans to marry again ?

WHAT POLICY SHOULD THE LOCAL CHURCH HAVE?

In the first article on this subject I suggested that in principle the church should be willing to accept and love those who have experienced the evil of divorce. If re-marriage is sought, the church ought to make clear its position on re-marriage of divorced persons. Certainly, the decision to officiate at the remarriage ceremony should not be left to the feelings and insight of just one person, the pastor! It would be best, therefore, if each local church, through its board of elders, adopt rules with respect to the re-marriage of divorced persons. The following-points are merely suggestions from my side to serve as a starting point for a discussion by the boards of elders of our churches in Canada. Each board of elders has a right to establish its own policy for the local church.

Before listing the various points for discussion, I would like to quote in full a statement adopted by our General Synod of 1962, and re-affirmed by the General Synod of 1975:

"A pastor may with good conscience officiate in the re-marriage of divorced persons if in his judgment, and the judgment of the congregation's Board of Elders, the persons have met the following requirements: Recognition of personal responsibility for the failure of the former marriage, penitence and an effort to overcome limitations and failures, forgiveness of the former partner, fulfilment of obligations involved in the former marriage, and a willingness to make the new marriage a Christian one by dependence upon Christ and participation in His church."

Guidelines for local church's rules on re-marriage after divorce:

1. The church will do everything in its power to encourage ana maintain the institution of marriage as a lifelong union.

2. Divorce is recognized as a departure from the purpose of God.

3. It is also recognized that, under certain circumstances, divorce may be permitted, as the lesser of two evils (see Matt. 19: 9, I Cor. 7: 15).

4. A person who has been divorced on biblical grounds is free to marry again.

5. If a divorced person becomes Christian, he (she) should attempt to restore the marriage. If the other refuses, we believe that the I Cor. 7: 15 statement applies, and that the one who has sought reconciliation is free to remarry.

6. If a person has been divorced for any reason - and the former partner re-marries, that partner has dissolved the original relationship. We believe that such development leaves the first partner free to re-marry.

7. It is the duty of the church, in any of the above cases where the partner has not re-married, to refuse to conduct the wedding ceremony for the one seeking remarriage until it is totally satisfied that all efforts towards reconciliation have broken down.

8. The following conditions must be satisfied before the pastor is permitted to conduct the remarriage ceremony:

a) Evidence of sincere repentance for personal involvement in the failure of the previous marriage;

b) Evidence that both parties are aware of the causes of the failure of the previous marriage;

c) Willingness to receive premarital counseling from the pastor so that the latter can adequately prepare the couple for (re)marriage, and will be assured of their genuine intent to fulfil the vows to be taken;

d) Forgiveness of the former partner;

e) Fulfilment of the obligations involved in the former marriage;

f) Willingness to make the new marriage a Christian one by dependence upon Christ and participation in His church.

Non-Christians who are divorced and seek re-marriage are not to be married by the pastor, as they cannot meet the conditions set out above until they become Christians.

10. If unbelievers have remarried after divorce, without meeting the above conditions, and then become Christians, they should be forgiven of their former failures, and be allowed to make a new start. Their (re)marriage is holy in the sight of God, even if one of them has not become a Christian. Christians in such a (re)marriage are entitled to the full privileges of membership in the church. However, not all members are equally qualified for office in the church, and it does not seem wise to elect a person in the above category to a place of leadership in the church, for a considerable period of time after re-marriage.

11. Believers who act contrary to Scriptural principles of marriage, divorce, and remarriage, and to the guidelines as approved by the elders, should be visited, and for the sake of love and spiritual health be put under discipline.

12. No pastor should be required by the elders to officiate at the remarriage of a divorced person against his own conscience.

I would like to point out again that these guidelines are intended as a basis for a discussion by the boards of elders in our churches. The acceptance of the principles and the applications contained in the suggested guidelines is entirely the responsibility of the elders. I would highly recommend, however, that each local church adopt a set of rules governing re-marriage after divorce, for the sake of all parties involved, including the pastor!

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