Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - Nov/64

Contributor - Geurt Van Nimwegen

Title - Speaking About Evangelism

Topic - Evangelism

The "Saliva" tea company, an old and renowned house (who has never heard of the world-famous "Saliva" tea? wasn't doing so hot these days. At headquarters the people had begun to get restless, as became clear when a committee was appointed to study the reasons that sales had fallen off so badly lately.

A shareholders meeting was called for today, in which the committee would report on its findings. There were important professionals on the committee, men and women, who knew everything about people's drinking habits. Everybody at the meeting held his breath for the wisdom, about to be coming forth, streaming like tea from a pot (to remain in the atmosphere of the company).

Mrs. Boiler got up behind the rostrum. She was chosen to speak for the committee, because she had such a melodious voice and knew how to choose the right words. You will ask: the right words for what? I will answer: the right words for nothing, just the right words. Everybody knew her for a person, who could keep her audience spell-bound for over an hour, saying nothing, just speaking on and on. But forget it. To the point now. "Ladies and gentlemen," she began, "that our tea has not exactly been total lately (laughter among the audience) every one of you knows. The committee, in trying to get behind the facts, has taken samples of opinions of people in all layers of life. We have come up with this conclusion: our advertisements are all in the language of three hundred years ago, when our company began to advertise public. Who knows now about "five-o'clock tea", or a "coming-out tea", or even about the "Boston tea party"? Who would speak about tea as being "such a soothing potation"? No wonder nobody drinks tea nowadays. The only solution is "that we change Our language. That we address our public in plain modern day English.

"While you are at it," a voice from the room interrupted, "you may also change the picture that goes with the words. Drop that grandma with her bonnet for a couple of nice, healthy kids."

Somebody else from the floor asked for recognition from the chair, and got it. He scraped his throat and said: "I wonder, mister president, sir, whether our approach has altogether been satisfactory in this respect, that until now we always have addressed the masses, the faceless, restless, always shifting unbodily body. Is it not time, sir, that our company begins to give recognition to the individual, and to approach him as such, as an individual, as Mr. so and so, who has such and such habits, who lives there and there, who works, or does not work in that and that place etc. etc."

Someone made the suggestion that "we should advertise in a modern way and suggested the words "drink Pola", short and snappy." The chair wondered what that had got to do with advertising tea. "Quite simple", the advancer of this idea said, "what do you do when you want a pig to go forward? You grab his tail and pull in the opposite direction". I am afraid not everybody noticed the connection pig - tail - China - and tea.

At that moment a Mr. Amos Peabody got up. He suggested that right away a poll be taken among those present about what they usually drank. Only a very few thought that was a good idea. Most of those present at the meeting were strong coffee-lovers, but thought it very bad taste indeed to say so.

Do I have to tell you that the "Saliva" tea company continued doing not so hot?

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