Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - May/88

Contributor - Rev. Brian and Angela Richardson

Title - The Christian's Responsibility for Sex Education Within the Family and Church

Topic -Sex

Is Sex Education Scriptural?

The Word of God gives us direction for this very personal and intimate subject. (11 Tim. 3:16) "All scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, for re proof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness " In most of the books of the Bible, starting in Genesis (Genesis 1: 28), God gives us instruction regarding sex n a careful and sacred way. Because of the abundance of information concerning sex in the Word of God, it is obvious our Lord wants us to be knowledgeably in this area and to pass on the information to others.

Is Sex Education From a Christian Perspective Necessary?

As full time Christian counsellors my wife and I frequently encounter clients who have tremendous sexual problems, especially young people. A large percentage of the problems are because of a lack of knowledge concerning what is 'Christian' in the sexual area. Everyone has some knowledge in the field of sexual behaviour in human beings, but usually the information people have gathered is humanistic, perverted or inadequate and mostly non-Christian. We believe it is part of our responsibility as believers to inform others what is acceptable Christian behaviour in the sexual area, especially our young people. They hear what the world tells them about sex, we must not be afraid, or shy, to tell them what God says about sex.

Who Should Give Christian Sex Education?

(Psalm 1: 1 a) "Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly." Many of the counsellees that come to see us for sexual counsel have received secular counsel from a humanistic perspective that has encouraged the Christian into sin. Non-christian counsel will not bring peace and lasting results and may damage a believer's faith in our Lord. We need not be concerned whether our car mechanic is a believer or not, but it is important to seek godly counsel in the very personal area of sexual behaviour as indicated in the above Psalm. Christian sex education should begin in the home and be supplemented in the church. There are books available, in Christian book stores, on "How to teach your children about sex the way God intended." In the church, informed individuals with a knowledge of the subject should give special teaching to adults and parents. We have the privilege of speaking to many youths and adults, from different denominations, on sex education in a seminar setting.

How Will Christian Sex Education Help Our Children?

Most important of all it will correct and counteract the teaching that our children are hearing at present from secular schools and the media. Examples of what our children are being taught at present include:

(a) Sex outside of marriage is acceptable, only use contraceptives.

(b) Homosexuality is an alternate lifestyle. We choose or are born into our sexual orientation.

(d) Masturbation is harmless, just a sexual release.

(e) Perversions are acceptable within reason.

(f) Pornography is really harmless, everybody's reading it.

Our children will possibly be educated in the above manner unless we teach them otherwise. Who will tell them the truth from God's Word in sexual issues if Christian parents and educators are afraid, embarrassed or uninformed. (Hosea 4:6a) "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge." The Scripture certainly applies to Christians in the issues of sex. We must have sufficient knowledge to teach our children what is good and what is sinful in sexual behaviour.

How Will Christian Education Help Our Youth?

Many young people that we counsel, from Christian families, are engaging in "heavy petting" or "fornication" with their girl/boyfriends. Usually the parents have no knowledge that this is happening or do not wish to believe that this is happening. Are we going to allow our young people to sin without even telling them that it is sin? (I Cor. 6:9) "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolators, nor adulterers, nor effeminate ... shall inherit the kingdom of God." The Bible is very clear in this issue of sex outside of marriage, those that continue to practice !t will not make it to heaven!! We remember conducting a youth seminar a few years ago and we asked if anyone knew what fornification meant. Only one young man knew it had something to do with sex. Young people have to be told in language that they understand that to be a Christian you do not engage in sex outside of marriage.

How Will Christian Sex Education Help Our Adults?

Approximately 70% of all married couples that we see in our office are not happy with their sex life. Frequently the problem is lack of education, or incorrect education, regarding sexual expression between husband and wife. We have counselled couples who have not had sexual happiness for 20 to 30 years of their marriage and in one or two counselling sessions the problem has been resolved. It is usually an educational problem, or lack of knowledge in the sexual area. How can adults teach their children and youth on the subject of sex if they have little or no knowledge themselves from a biblical perspective. A lot of teenagers know more about sex today than their parents, unfortunately they have only been taught the mechanics and not the morals. It is like teaching a soldier how to kill but not telling him who or when to kill.

Sexual Sin Can Affect Our Spirit, Soul and Body

BODY.- (I Cor. 6:18) "Flee fornification. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. " It is interesting that this portion of the Word of God indicates sexual sin to be especially degrading. All other sins are outside of the body (or temple of the Holy Spirit) but sexual sin is against a believer's own body. While we are on the subject of the physical part of mankind let's consider other effects of sexual sin on the human body. There are over twelve common sexually transmitted diseases (S.T.D) on the rampage in our society. One study in a high school revealed that I in 4 of the young people that graduated from this high school either had one type of S.T.D. or had been treated for it, before they graduated. Another obvious effect of sexual sins is the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy with all the complications associated with it. The above are two of the physical problems that are associated with sexual sins. Now we will consider some in the realm of the soul (mind).

SOUL: Sexual sins within a marriage can destroy the marriage faster than most other kinds of sin. Even if the marriage is not destroyed, once trust has been betrayed in this area it may never be totally restored. Fornication prior to marriage can also have a permanent negative effect on the total happiness of the marriage especially after a few years. There are many other problems, involving the mind and emotion, that this sin against the body can contribute to. To complete the effects of this sin on our triune being we must consider the most important part of us, the spirit.

SPIRIT.- How does sexual sin affect us spiritually? (I Thess. 4:3-8 N.I.V.) "It is God's will that you should be ho that you should avoid sexual immorality . . . Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you His Holy Spirit." From a spiritual perspective those who commit sexual sins are rejecting God. Unless these sins are repented of, confessed and discontinued, the one sinning may not be among His true believers. (I John 3:9 N.I.V.) "No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God". God's Word is again clear in telling us that we will not continue in sexual (or other) sins if we are truly born of God.

From a Christian Counsellors Perspective

We have attempted to show the great need for sex education from a biblical base within the nuclear family and church family. We believe it is necessary to prevent some of the sexual sins and problems that we encounter among Christians we counsel. The main educators in Christian families should be the parents. This means that parents must be given sufficient guidance from the church to be able to teach their children what God says about sex. This can be achieved by seminars, topical Bible studies or classes, and recommended reading and/or tapes. The church can also supplement the teaching of children, in the usual Christian educational method, by adding the subject we are discussing to the curriculum. Special speakers can also be invited to cover the subject at a seminar suitable for young people.

Teaching Children About Sex the Way God Intended

Some parents may need to change their own attitudes about sex, because their children will absorb their attitudes. Example: A mother who believes sex is dirty can pass this attitude on to her daughter who in turn may not want to get married because of this. Or a father who is harsh and disrespectful towards his wife will pass that attitude on to his son. who will look towards women in this way to the detriment of his future marriage. As parents we are guardians of our children's sexuality and must help them understand these important areas of their lives in a world filled with unhealthy sex. The following are some guidelines to help both parents teach their children whenever an opportunity arises, (as they ask questions) or during family devotions, etc.

BE HONEST.- Parents make a serious mistake when they tell their children anything but the truth about where babies come from and how they got there. (Eph. 4:15) "But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into Him in all things, which is the head, even Christ."

KEEP IT SIMPLE: Telling the truth does not mean telling a 4 year old everything about sex in the first lesson. Answer the questions they ask in simple language without going into complicated details that may confuse them. Always use the correct medical names for parts of the body and tell them how God has designed boys and girls differently.

ILLUSTRATE YOUR TALKS.- There are many illustrated, good Christian books available for teaching children about sex. Parents and church libraries should have these books available during the childrens' growing years. Children can also see sexual reproduction illustrated in the animal kingdom, i.e. farm animals, cats, dogs, guinea pigs, etc.

INITIATE DISCUSSIONS ON SEX If children never ask questions about sex we should not ignore the subject. It is important that we teach our children about sex from a Christian view before they hear it in school.

RESPECT PRIVACY- Children should be taught to respect parent's privacy and learn to knock on a bedroom door before entering. It is very important for parents to lock their bedroom doors during intimate times. It is not appropriate for children to view this very personal behaviour. Parents should also respect their children's privacy and knock on their bedroom door before entering.

KEEP YOUR TEACHING BIBLICAL:

Sex is beautiful and good within the marriage relationship (I Cor. 7:3-5). But is sinful in any form outside the marriage (I for. 6:9,10,18). We must stress that the marriage relationship is God's divine approved way for the expression of physical love.

TEACHING YOUTH ABOUT SEX THE WAY GOD INTENDED: Humans are triune beings and although Body, Soul and Spirit operate inseparably (while the person is alive), we will consider each area separately for teaching purposes.

BODY- (Psalm 139:14 N.I.V.) "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well". The major anatomical and physiological changes that occur during youth must be discussed with them before they happen. Do not leave this area with the schools, parents must discuss these changes with their children. Changes include: a. Genitalia changes and breast budding. possible gynecomastia in teenage boys.

b. Menstruation and boy's first ejaculation.

c. Premenstrual tension, dysmenirrhea, tampons and toxic shock syndrome.

d. Preventing the habit of masturbation.

e. Sexually transmitted diseases, dangers and prevention.

These are some of the subjects that our children will be learning about at school. We must inform them from a Christian perspective what is acceptable behaviour, preferably prior to them hearing about these subjects from the schools.

SOUL: In the area of the mind and emotions our young people will be faced with some major decisions. For their emotional peace and well being, they should have a knowledge of the consequences of their choices. (Isaiah 26:3) "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in thee".

LOVE AND DATING: Young people must be informed about the different types of love (Phileo, Eros, Storge, Agape). The difference between love, infatuation, romance and sexual attraction. How to control themselves while experiencing these emotions. At what age is it healthy to date? How do you know when you are ready for marriage? What are the Scriptural standards for dating and marriage?

OTHER EMOTIONS: Youth can experience different emotions that vary in intensity and are frequently cyclical, (from very high to very low). They include: depression, anger, frustration, fear, joy, peace, etc. A strong positive relationship with parents is important so that the emotions experienced can be talked about and directed in positive ways, or treated appropriately. Much more could be said about the emotional highlights during adolescence. There are many good books written by Christian authors that parents should become familiar with.

SPIRIT. The spiritual and emotional parts of human beings greatly interrelate, so we will concentrate on common behaviour that can be classed as sin and can therefore damage us spiritually. Below are some areas of sin that many youth are involved in.

a. Fornication (I Cor. 6:18) "Flee fomication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body". Frequently, when we talk with young people, they inform us that they have never been directed on "how far you can go with your girl/boyfriend without sinning. " Many are not aware of what fomication or sexual sins are. Hence some are sexually involved and do not realize that they are sinning against God and against their own body. No wonder Satan is promoting this sin in our society, look at the devasting effects he is getting.

b. Homosexuality (Leviticus 20:13) "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them." The world is telling our young people that homosexuality is "just another lifestyle" and "we choose our sexual orientation". The world is certainly not telling them that this behaviour is an abomination in God's sight and those who practice it will certainly not get to heaven. (I Cor. 6:9, 10) Most young people are not aware of the utterly gross perverted practices that homosexuals engage in. No wonder the Bible uses the word abomination (J.K.V.), or detestable (N.I.V.) to describe their behaviour.

c. Abortion (Exodus 21: 22-23)"If men strive and hurt a woman with child, so that her fruit depart from her ... then thou shalt give life for life". In modem terminology, abortion in God's sight is either manslaughter or murder involving everyone who took part in the abortion other man the victim. Who will tell our young people this fact if the parents and church shirk their responsibility because of fear, embarrassment, laziness, procrastination, ignorance or feel they may offend someone, etc., etc.

CONCLUSION

The following are a few of the questions frequently asked us (anonymously in writing) when we minister at seminars, retreats and camps involving young people.

1. What do I do when someone approaches me sexually at school?

2. How do I tell my uncle to stop touching me in my private areas?

3. How far should I let my boyfriend go physically?

4. Is abortion ever acceptable in God's sight?

5 . What is wrong with dating a nice non-Christian?

6. What shows on T.V. and books are suitable for Christians?

7. How do you really catch A.I.D.S?

8. My cousin forced me to have sex when I was young and now I hate the subject, how do I get over this if I want to be married?

9. 1 masturbate every day and I want to stop because I know it is not pleasing to God, how do I stop this strong habit?

10. After hearing you teach I know I have to talk to someone about my sexual problems, parents will not listen, who can I talk to?

11. A relative have been sexually molesting me for a long time, who should I tell to stop him doing it?

12. How do you get rid of frequent bad sexual thoughts?

13. Can you tell if someone else has a sexually transmitted disease?

14. Do aborted babies go to heaven and do they grow up there?

15. Can you get S.T.D. from kissing or from public toilets?

The above are just a sample of what our youth are asking because of the enormous amount of sexual teaching and publicity in our society contrary to God's Word. It is imperative that we as Christians counsel and teach our children, youth and fellow believers in what the Bible teaches us about this very personal subject. Ignorance is not bliss, but dangerous. We must find people who have the knowledge and are not afraid to teach the whole truth from an accurate physical, emotional and theological base. Then we and our children will be able to discern what is of God and to grow mature in Him, even surrounded by a sex-obsessed society. (Eph. 4:15) "But, speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ".

We must inform our children and youth on the issues that have been discussed. Agreeing with us does not solve the problem, we must do something.

What are we going to do to show our responsibility as Christians????

(Note: All scriptures are quoted from the King James Translation unless otherwise indicated.)

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