Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - May/82

Contributor - Mrs. Joan Drost

Title - Purposeful Parenting

Topic - Parenting

An interview with a wise father who wishes to remain anonymous

Drost: You have a unique situation in that two of your sons have been born into your family, two sons are adopted, and two sons are foster children. Added to this is the fact that different faces are represented. Are there advantages to having a multi-race family?

Father: I think so, for it makes the boys understand that colour is only skin deep. If one is not close to those of different racial background, one never has an understanding of another race. This way, living together as we do, they do not feel differences; they just love them as brothers.

Drost: With six boys ranging in age from 9 to 23 how do you manage to relate to them as individuals?

Father: Well, they certainly are individuals! I try to talk personally to them. I choose times for private talks, take one of the boys fishing or hunting alone. This way we can both get to know one another better. If I am with one we can talk about things that concern only him or he can ask questions without being embarrassed by others.

Drost: How do you discipline?

Father: When they were younger, we spanked them when it was needed. Now they have come to an age where they hardly need to be disciplined. The teaching has been done and proper behaviour seems to come naturally. If they don't obey they know they must take the consequences. They know when they do wrong and the agony of knowing their wrong deed is enough punishment. They usually come to us and confess and say, "I am sorry". That's exciting! When that happens we feel great satisfaction that our teaching has had its effect. Sometimes when the misbehaviour is serious, we take away a privilege.

Drost: How do they react to this?

Father: We are careful to explain why the privilege was taken away. Sometimes they are upset, but in the end they understand. They know they cannot get away with something if it is wrong. They also know we care for them and that's important.

Drost: How do you encourage?

Father: We like to stress the positive! We praise them when they deserve it. Encouragement is a daily task!

Drost: Parenting has become more difficult with pressures from the peer groups. What difficulties do you face?

Father: We don't see peer pressure as a big difficulty. As I said before, our kids are individuals. They do their own thing.

Drost: What about problems of drugs, smoking, sex, and sports on Sunday?

Father: WE FORBID IT! Organized sports are out, we feel it creates too many pressures. We have explained that sex is beautiful and meaningful, but for marriage alone. We have talked about drugs and smoking and we have explained the dangers done to bodies by such abuses. They stay away from them.

Drost: What do you do for fun?

Father: We take lots of trips, go boating, fishing, hunting, hiking, skiing and swimming. We like to picnic, play ball and we love big family reunions.

Drost: How do you attempt to teach values?

Father: Some of the values we hope to convey are: honesty, the value of money, respect for the property of others, and an appreciation for nature. We stress very much the care for the "underdog", the one who can't help himself. We instruct, we explain, we give an example, and we help them to carry out what needs to be done.

Drost: Do you think your Christian faith has helped you in raising children in this so-called permissive society?

Father: Yes, definitely! We receive strength daily. My wife and I are very fortunate it, that we have the same Christian upbringing. It's very nice to raise a family when both parents are strong in the same faith. My wife and I work together and stand by one another's decisions. It's so much easier to raise children when you are a Christian. We have the Bible's guidelines. We're not guessing at how to raise a family and hope that we are doing it right. We are following the directions which the Lord laid down. If we would do it alone, we would make a mess of it.

Drost: What wisdom would you like to share with other fathers?

Father: My wife and I love and respect one another. We show affection openly, and the children know that we love each other and in turn love them too. The touching of children is important! The bumper sticker, "Have you hugged your child today?" says a lot. It's very important to have physical contact in a hug, a kiss, and even rough-and-tumble games. We need to be personal with one another.

Drost: What heritage do you hope to leave with your boys?

Father: I would hope that they can continue to build on the Christian foundation that my wife and I are trying to build in the home. We would wish for them to be honest and God-fearing men, good citizens who remember what and how they were taught so that they will raise their families in the same faith.

Drost: A good heritage indeed! Thank you for sharing your ideas of parenting with us.

Please click the "Back" button of your browser to return to previous page.