Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - May/79

Contributor - Rev. J. W. Vandenberg

Title - What's Up? Christian Home And Family Life: Part I Marriage between a Christian and an Unbeliever

Topic - Marriage

It's May! May is Family Month! And it is about the busiest season for people as far as marriage ceremonies are concerned!

There seems to be a need to talk about Marriage to Unbelievers. So what is there to talk about? Well, really not all that much, because the basic advice is: DON'T! But then, who wants advice?

My experience has been that some young people only talk to their pastor after they have been acquainted or engaged for a couple of years with the unbeliever, thinking, hoping, praying, that he/she would be converted and see the "light". But most of the time that just does not happen! And so, for whatever reason you may have read thus far, stay with it just a little longer. Back to the advice about marriage with an unbeliever, which was: DON'T!

WHO SAYS?

Well, I just did, but let me hasten to add that I got it from the Bible! I'll tell you where: Second Corinthians 6: 14, where it says: "Do not be mismated with unbelievers!, for what partnership have righteousness and iniquity?" (R.S.V.) It appears that this Scripture verse needs very little interpretation, it is as clear as daylight! In Old Testament times God had told the Israelites: "When the Lord your God brings you in r to the land which you are entering to take possession of it ... you shall not make marriages with them (= the local people of non-Jewish religion), giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters for your sons." Deuteronomy 7: 1, 3.

HOW COME?

If you are thinking that God has good reasons for having such strong requirements in His Word, then you are right! God's main purpose for people is to have them live happy and peaceful lives. As soon as the creatures take the law in their own hands and thereby disobey their Creator, things go wrong!

Be assured that God did not Just impose a number of do's and don't's on His creation at random, but rather every word from the Lord has His solid and sound reason behind it. Discoveries of the last decades in many of the areas of man's studies are only beginning to confirm the "correctness" of the Biblical imperative! (= what the Bible says we must do). And the Lord wants us to know that obedience leads to happiness and peace, while disobedience will bring about the lack of peace and the lack of happiness. And that explains at least a part of the reason for many of the troubles in the world around us today.

SO WHAT?

Well, I am afraid no one will get off easy here. Deuteronomy 7: 3 is followed by verse 4, and that verse talks about "For they would turn away your sons from following me, to serve other gods; . . ."; and Second Corinthians, chapter 6 just says this in different words (well, I mean more or less). That is what is bound to happen. the believer is slowly turning away from God, in order to "keep as much peace" as possible with the non-believing partner.

Yet, God does not want that to happen. And, yes, I know the courageous intentions of some, when they plan to pray for and lead their partner to conversion. But most of the time these same people have little or no experience leading anyone to conversion, and if they did, they would know how difficult this sometimes can be, since no one converts anyone, only God converts people! At this point I do remember the helpful advice from one pastor, who said: "Young person, use your head, and your heart will follow!" How true! Among people who normally would not be led by emotions, a high number nevertheless put their reasoning aside to favour emotions and feelings. Again: please DON'T!

God knew what He was doing when His original advice was passed on and recorded. Marriage is a sacred and beautiful part of living. Any persons entering that part of living need no additional handicaps, but rather as much as possible any binding, strengthening, promoting, and upbuilding aids that can be obtained. Most important of all, the foundation must be solid, for then a reliable structure can be built. God's family of families has room and love and understanding and counsel for all! The joy and peace of lives that are rich in the Lord Jesus Christ awaits the sincere believers.! DO ACCEPT HIM!

Now for some additional practical advice:

1. If you are engaged (or close to that) with an unbeliever: then prayerfully consider breaking the relationship right now, or else seek all the help and advice that may lead to the conversion of your partner BEFORE ALL ELSE I (A broken heart right now may be more tolerable than a life of misery and/or missing out on Salvation!)

2. If you are at the point of marriage, please consider the above as well!

3. If you are married now to an unbeliever, seek all the help you can in prayers and fellowship from your pastor and congregation to sustain you and to have intercession for your partner. And by all means show your partner the love of Christ by becoming a better and more devoted partner every day.

4. If you have strayed from the faith or the body of Christ because of your unbelieving partner or for any other reason: Be sure that God is ready and willing to forgive you the moment you return to Him!

5. To the Body of Christ: Let us be much in prayer for any around us who need our support and acceptance in their conditions of life, even though they may have neglected our former advice.

God's Grace is sufficient for all!

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