Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - May/78

Contributor - Henry Van Essen

Title - Dear Bride And Groom

Topic - Marriage

Many couples in our church are planning their wedding, and coming for pre-marital counseling. Thinking about all these young starting out together, my thoughts went back to a wedding two summers ago, where the bridal couple asked my husband to preach on the following texts:

"As the Church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:24, 25).

May God bless all of you who read this sermon.

The Scripture passage which you selected, continues to cause much discussion in and outside church circles, for it speaks of the wife being subject to her husband. For many people this is completely unacceptable - a new time and lifestyle is upon us, and the women's lib movement has drawn the attention of all people in North America and Western Europe to the discrimination of women in our society. The proper marriage is one of complete partnership, the laws of Canada regarding property rights of women and wives are being changed accordingly.

Now here you are, just married, and what shall it be? A very submissive Joan and a lord Ron? Isn't that what the Bible seems to say? "Wives, be Subject to your husbands, as to the Lord"? Yes, that is what the Word of God says, but ... that same Word says something else a little further on. "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her..." The attitude of both husband and wife to each other is directly compared to the relation of the Lord Jesus Christ and His Church. And what is that relationship? This, that the Lord Jesus Christ purchased the Church by His death on the cross. He so loved the Church that He gave His life for her. We may even say that there was no living Church until Christ died there was no forgiven Church until Christ was buried for her sins and trespasses - that there was no committed and obedient Church until Christ was risen and the Holy Spirit was poured out on Pentecost.

What does this mean? This, that first Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her - after all that, the Church became subject to her Lord. For the obedience of the Church to the Lord Jesus is an obedience which she gladly gives. All she is and has, she is and has because of all that her Lord did. The Lord Jesus did not stand to gain anything - it was out of pure love for the lost people on earth that He came. He brought the Church to life, not because she already was obedient to Him; but out of pure love - even when it required going through hell in His dying, while God forsaken.

Now, husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. That love must come first, and is to be selfless and self-giving. The wives are to be related to their husbands as the Church is related to Christ but this is based on the understanding that the husbands will love their wives with the same love as Christ loved the Church.

The obedience of the Church to her Lord is a heart wanted answer to the steadfast and abounding love, received from her Lord. The true Christian is really thankful, and seeks to please his Lord by whole life. The obedience of the wife is also to be a heart wanted answer to the selfless and self giving love from her husband to her. Then there will be no problem of feeling second rate, or trampled on, or dictated to. How can you feel second rate, when your husband is even willing to defend you with his life? How can you feel trampled on, when he carries you with his love? How can you feel dictated to, when his real love and consideration, and after talking to you, he makes some decisions which also affect your life?

I think that you can see that the Bible at this place does not teach that the woman is less than her husband. The way I see it is that both, husband and wife, are called upon to give up their life. The husband is being willing to lay down his life as Christ did for the Church; the wife is yielding herself to decisions made by her husband. Trouble comes, when a husband demands obedience without real self sacrificing love, and when a wife rebels against her husband in spite of his self-giving love. But usually the fault is on both sides - he loves himself, and she wants to be the boss.

From all this, it is clear that only Christians can seek to obey the words of our scripture passage. Not because they are any better than non-Christians, but simply because a Christian has surrendered his life to the Lord Jesus Christ. All people are by nature lovers-of-self, so much that when they are really threatened, they'll grab some kind of weapon and kill the one who threatens them. We see that daily all over the world. Only the Lord Jesus can heal a person from his self love. Our Lord made that possible by fighting the forces that keep us imprisoned in our self love, and by overcoming them in His resurrection. Hearts that surrender themselves to the Lord Jesus, can become loving husbands and obedient wives, through the working of the Holy Spirit. It is in this personal surrender that a basis is formed for a blessed and happy marriage.

And this is, why I am so happy to marry you two, for I know of your commitment and your earnest desire to follow and serve the Lord Jesus. Your start is good. Now comes the daily practice the constant prayer, "Lord help me to love my wife, as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her" and "Lord, help me to follow my husband as he seeks to be the head of the household in Christ".

Such prayers and such sharing will grow a true oneness as the Lord God had in mind when He created man and woman to be complete together. In such a oneness there will not be a lesser one and a greater one - there will only be the love of Christ. That is the promise of the lord for you two. Ask and you will receive. There is no doubt about that. Even though it may seem all impossible to us, all things are possible to God! Through the Holy Spirit, our hearts and wills and lives can be changed in such a way, that they truly begin to reflect the love of Christ for His Church and her responsive and joyful thanksgiving to her Lord. Just imagine what kind of a home it will be, where such a loving oneness is lived and practiced. Just picture children growing up in such a place. Just think a minute what an impact such a home will have upon all who come into contact with it. Such a family becomes a blessing to all who meet with them.

Dear Joan and Ron, the Lord has already greatly blessed you, and is ready to continue doing so. Your calling it is, to let the love of Christ for His church and her response become visible through your marriage. That is a high and holy calling but He who called you is faithful, and has promised: "Ask, and it shall be given to you.

"O happy home, where each one serves Thee lowly,

Whatever his appointed work may be, Till every common task seems great and holy,

When it is done, 0 Lord, as unto Thee."

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