Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - Mar/94

Contributor - Joan Kingswood

Title - As For Me And My House: Covenant Families

Topic - Family

I could start by telling you an awful lot of funny stories that have happened to me since our fifth child was born. For instance, the time the check-out lady at the grocery store asked me if I'd been "fixed" yet (I was broken?). Or when a friend told me I would never recover my career or figure if I kept having kids. Then there was the nurse at the hospital who thought it necessary to explain the finer points of birth control so I "didn't have another accident." But instead I would like to dwell on a short tender tale of a godly grandmother in our church family.

It happened just after we had announced that we were expecting another baby. I was feeling tired and nauseous and was struggling to keep four kids happy, quiet and spill-free at a church supper, when a voice quietly interrupted "I'm so glad to hear you're having another baby - they're a blessing aren't they. I wish we had more." I thanked God for my children and the one on the way right there and then. Not a very exciting story perhaps, but pretty radical not only in our culture but sadly even in our churches.

So just what ought to be our attitude toward children in a covenant family? And how does, or should, that affect our understanding and attitude toward family size and our own family planning?

To help think about these questions, I would like to look at three points:

1) Children are a blessing from God

As Christians, covenant Christians, we should recognize that children are a blessing from God (Psalm 127). We don't have children to satisfy our maternal or paternal instincts. We don't have children to carry on the family name. We don't even have them primarily because of the pleasure they can give us. Kids are not worth having for those motives. Children are, after all, needy little folks who take all the time, energy, and brain power I can muster.

As the covenant people of a loving God we have children for the privilege of raising them. When I stopped trying to pursue goals in my life that weren't compatible with parenting and began to I must enjoy the wonderful privilege of raising a little one for Him, I was suddenly freed to see what a blessing children are. Don't have kids for you - have them to give - for the privilege of raising them.

2) Children sanctify us.

The second point is that children are sanctifying. It is a mystery to me how people who don't have children can ever grow up. Now I know people who have no children who are loving, patient, giving, self-sacrificing, and gentle. But I have been " saved through child bearing." I had no idea how selfish I was until our first child came along. Then I saw how much I thought about me when I had to get up three and four times a night for a sick baby.

I so often hear women say "I'm glad I can get away from the kids and work." Isn't such an attitude running to selfishness instead of away from it? When we realize that our children are a trust from God then we will be made willing to give up the "I" in our lives and minister to others.

3) Children of the Covenant Change our Culture.

The whole point of being covenant parents is to raise covenant children. Our baptismal vow drives this home:

Do you promise to instruct this child in the truths of God's Word and in the way of salvation through Jesus Christ; to pray for him and to teach him to pray; and to train him, as God may give you grace, in all holy living, to the end that he may enjoy eternal life both in this world and in the world to come'?

We are to be training our children to be righteous people in Jesus Christ. Such people will change our culture. They will be salt and light. Rather than limiting the salt and light we ought to be maximizing the salt and light we bring into the world.

This does not mean JUST having babies, but training them in a covenant family to be instruments of God's righteousness. Parenting is difficult. There are disappointments. But God is faithful and will give the grace. James tells us that when we lack wisdom we need only ask God and He will give it (James 1:5). We need to remember that we, and therefore our parenting, are always inadequate but God's grace is always sufficient (James 4:6-10).

Conclusion

So why have we in the Church accepted the world's argument that we should limit these blessings, these sanctifying children, who by God's grace will bring the news of our Saviour Jesus Christ to our dying culture? Why do most Christian couples have an average of just over two children?

We limit the size of our families for the most part because we've swallowed the lie of our times, that children are a problem, that they greatly limit our leisure time, career goals and pocket money.

I urge you to think again about your family and your attitude toward God's blessings. Whether you have one or eight, they are gifts from God. There is no set number given in Scripture for the size of our families, but if there is no legitimate reason to stop having kids why aren't we having bigger families? Let's reject what the world has to say about kids and lets bring our thinking and our parenting into line with Scripture.

I'm not sure she's ready for it, but the next grocery check-out lady that questions me about the number of kids I have is going to hear a recitation of Psalm 127.

Please click the "Back" button of your browser to return to previous page.