Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - Mar/89

Contributor - Jon Manlove

Title - How Often Should I Forgive?

Topic - Forgiveness

Charles loved computers. He had loved them since he first began to read about them in the Popular Science magazines as a boy. As he grew up, there was just one thing he wanted to do, and that was to have his own business developing software. He worked very hard and began to drum up business here and there, but he found that quite often customers would change their minds after he had put hours into a product, or they would often be unwilling or unable to pay their bills. One such situation particularly irked him. He had spent months on a project and had come up with a product he was very proud of, and when he had gone to deliver it the man began to make excuses. He put Charles off, telling him he hoped to pay next month when things looked better. What made Charles really mad was that he had had uneasy feelings about this customer, and now all his fears were becoming justified. "I should have gone with my instincts," he chided himself

Things were looking pretty grim for Charles and his family. They had prayed a lot but they were getting behind on their mortgage payments. The letters began to come from the bank that held their mortgage. Soon the letters turned to interviews. The bank manager said to Charles, "We made an agreement and you aren't following through. We're going to have to foreclose." Charles pleaded with him just to hang on a few more months until some of his products could sell.

One day the situation broke wide open. The bank manager called Charles in for another interview. He sounded quite serious and urgent on the phone. As Charles went to the bank, he resigned himself to losing his home and most of what he held dear. He wept silently in frustration and bitterness. He was not bitter against the bank. They were only doing their job. It was his customer who refused to pay his bill. "If I could just get my hands on that guy," Charles thought to himself darkly.

When he arrived at the bank he was ushered into the bank manager's office. He was very surprised when the bank manager began to question him about his computer business, his products, and to ask him about some of his ideas. All of a sudden the banker said, "Charles, I think you really have what it takes to make it in this business. Our bank has a very lucrative contract for software to be let, and we want to offer it to you. Until you have finished it we are willing to pay your mortgage payments as a token of our good will."

As you can imagine, Charles just about went through the ceiling with joy. He couldn't believe his luck. As he drove home he thought to himself "I'd love to surprise my wife with a special gift to celebrate this unbelievable turn in our luck." Glancing up he noticed he was going near the place of business of the man who owed him money. "I'll just go in there and read the riot act to that scoundrel. Maybe I can get a few bucks out of him." He swung in the driveway, went inside, barged in the man's office and said firmly, "Look here my friend, I've had all I'm going to take of your negligence to pay your bills. You may think you're going to get away with pretending you can't pay, but I want you to know that as of today, I've had it with your lack of consideration. I want that money today my friend, or I'm going to drag you into court and sue you for every penny you have." Charles was feeling pretty good.

The man cowered before Charles and begged for mercy. "Just give me a few months. I know things will get better," he said.

You who are reading this story and who know your Bible will suspect by now the outcome of this story. As it turned out the bank manager was also in charge of the other man's financial affairs. When the man came to him in desperation and told him his story, the bank manager was totally incensed with Charles. He immediately gave the software contract to someone else, and foreclosed on Charles mortgage. Charles ended up losing all that he owned and had to go on welfare.

This story, just as Jesus' parable in Matthew 18:21-35, demonstrates a powerful Word from God on the necessity of forgiveness. At the beginning of the passage, Peter asked Jesus the question that is so often in our hearts when we feel repeatedly sinned against. "Oh Lord, how often must I forgive?" Jesus' answer can be summed up in one sentence. "We must forgive as often as we are forgiven."

If we, like Charles, receive the free gift of salvation, that is completely by God's grace, and then turn around and say "Sorry, I can't forgive anymore. What you have done to me has been done too often. It is too severe and there is a limit to what a person is expected to take," we willingly place ourselves outside of the realm of God's grace. If we receive freedom from the bondage of our sins that has been purchased by the shed blood of Jesus on the cross, and then choose to turn to someone who has hurt us and say, "I have received all of this, but I am unwilling to give you the gift of forgiveness," we have spurned God's gift to us and have walked beyond the pale.

That's a hard word isn't it? But it is true. I know there have been times in my life when I have been very tempted to refuse forgiveness to someone who I felt had hurt me too much. One day I was sharing my struggle with an older man, and he responded in that fresh, honest way that sometimes only comes with age. He said to me, "Jon, your refusal to forgive is nothing but self-pity and pride. If you are unwilling to forgive what they have done to you, you are in essence telling God that the grudge you are nursing is more important - is to be more highly esteemed than the brutal killing of His Son."

With that statement I felt that I had begun to get a small glimpse of why Jesus said, "If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:14,15).

The hurt that we receive from other people should never be esteemed more highly than the costly forgiveness we have freely received through Jesus' death.

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