Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - Mar/83

Contributor - Mrs. Corrie De Vries

Title - Reflections

Topic - Suffering

A friend phoned me about some business the other day. I had not talked to her for about eight months so we had some catching up to do. Her first question was: "Did you have a good summer?" She had no idea how "loaded" that question was for me. But my honest answer was, "Yes, it was". We had had some bad times but, looking back, it was a good summer. Our girls had helped in and around the house as never before. I have enjoyed seeing my husband and son work together in harmony. We have cried together and really pulled together. Our summer was very different. Let me tell you about it.

In May we learned that I had cancer in my right breast and a lymph node under my right arm was also swollen. I was told that an operation was ruled out at present, perhaps sometime later. In November we learned that they would not operate because the tumour was also attached to the pectoral muscle across the chest.

The treatment of choice was chemotherapy and this was decided by a panel of about eighteen doctors at the London Cancer Clinic. It was administered twice, once at the end of May and once at the end of June. Each time three days were spent in hospital. Around the middle of June my hair started to fall out and in a few days it was all gone. I had been warned about this and a wig was ready which matched my own colour very closely.

Church members of the Cambridge Reformed Church were informed about my cancer and they offered prayer support from all sides. They often asked how everything was going and I felt great strength and comfort from all these Christian brothers and sisters as well as their children. My country neighbours also rallied around our family with offers of cooking, rides and even house cleaning. I also had to give up my school bus driving job at this time, and many parents of the students also offered help.

My private prayer to God was to take this cancer away from me. I hated it. If it was His will, He could take it away. July was a very quiet month, I was able to do my work at home and no treatments were administered. Family came to visit from Holland and life just sort of rolled along.

Early in August the doctors decided that the "chemo" wasn't doing much to the breast but the swelling under my arm has gone. That was good news! Praise be to God!

Now radiation would be started. Five weeks of treatment, five times a week. A room in the Lodge next to London Hospital was offered to me, but we did not take advantage of this. I would think of one hundred and one things to do at home while I would just sit at the Lodge. Our choice was to spend the first week of treatment with sister Anne just west of London. This worked out very well and for the next four weeks we were able to take advantage of the generous offers of help from the Cancer Society, neighbours, friends at church and family.

Five weeks seemed very long to me when we stood at the beginning of it (this became six weeks since a week of booster radiation was given), but the days went by quickly. God gave me strength for each day. Often people get very tired or sleepy from radiation but I was spared this.

On September 17th, radiation was finished. The doctor was pleased with the way my tumour was shrinking. Again I felt that the Great Physician was working on my side. Life became regular at home. The children were in school, I did my work and was able to take a nap after lunch. Best of all, I didn't have to run off to London every day. I was able to join choir again on Monday evenings and even work with the Young People on Tuesday evenings. Everything had become routine again. But something was missing. At night I would sometimes wake with a start and think that I was going to die. I worried about my blood maybe I needed a transfusion again, as I had before. Sometimes I couldn't get back to sleep. I was also worried about skin changes on my breast and it seemed like I felt a lot of pain in the breast. Instead of waiting and worrying, an appointment was made with the doctor in London. He comes to Cambridge at regular intervals, but we didn't want to wait any longer. He was surprised to see me and asked what was wrong. Al and I told him how tired I had been, about the pain and all our concerns and questions. He assured us that changes were still occurring from the radiation. It keeps working on the inside for some time. After some discussion it was decided that the pain was probably from bruising the breast accidentally. Little was said about the tiredness. Blood tests were deemed to reveal very little and not necessary. "Was this cancer life threatening?" "All cancers are life threatening," was his answer. So there we were. I had had maximum radiation and only if a major organ is affected will more treatment be given. Not an awful lot to be cheerful about. Some of our questions were answered. I felt slightly relieved, but my depressed feelings soon returned. Real comfort was not to be found. While treatments were being taken, I was actively fighting my cancer, now it became a passive fight and somehow my spirit was not measuring up.

It was at this time that our Pastor preached about suffering. I know very well that there are many ways of suffering. But I also felt that I was suffering and on that Sunday morning every word was directed at me, or so it seemed. It was mentioned that God causes those whom He loves to suffer, also that it was "for a time". Some of us are so used to hearing the Gospel (and not acting on it) that God uses suffering to jolt us out of our comfortable places, and stirs us to life, that is, Life in Him. Many tears were shed that day. In the days that followed, I came to a renewed faith in God. I was feeling a peace come over me as I had not felt for a long time. Now 1 was able to say "Thank You, God, for cancer". It was bringing me closer to Him.

At this time I also felt an urge to share this good news with others. Who ever might come along should know about God's love and salvation. In this life we can be assured of a safe arrival in heaven and comfort here as we travel in His way. The first person to come along was a feed salesman who often comes to our place. He did not know about my cancer and was very surprised to hear about it. All was told to him except that I failed to tell him what God had done for me. Now I had failed God.

Later that week there were two people at my door. I had not heard or seen a car - this usually meant Jehovah Witnesses. Sure enough, a Watchtower was offered to me. I thought, "Here we go God. You must have a sense of humour. Prime targets for the Good News which I held". They started the conversation and I listened quietly for an opportunity to tell them my message. There was a cake in the oven at the time and its smells were coming to the door. "Oh, my cake!" I excused myself. They hurriedly offered the Watchtower for 400. This I refused and away they went. I had failed again.

During my work I quietly asked God for another chance. That's when the phone call came from the friend. I was able to tell her what God had done for me but she did not sound impressed. That.' s O.K. though, we'll see each other again and the seed has been planted. Her remark was, "Then you had an awful summer!" But I could not agree with her. I have become much more aware of life and death. I have become much closer to Christ, His comfort in all situations; His strength that leads me on. A Christian's greatest comfort is that we belong to God and He will take care of us. I still had one difficulty though.

God has assured us a place in heaven and I do look forward to that, but Lord I'm only forty-one. I don't want to go yet. I want to serve You here on earth. I enjoy singing Your praises. I want to be a wife and helper to my husband, a mother to our four children. I would love to see my grandchildren when that time comes. Our Pastor told us that's okay too. A desire for life is what keeps us going in times of sickness especially.

Will the lumps in my breast go away? I don't know. Perhaps that will be my "thorn in the flesh". A silent reminder that I belong to Him. Another thought that runs through my head is this: It says in the Bible "not a hair shall fall from your head but your Heavenly Father sees it". I'm sure He really had His eyes on me this past summer. All my hairs were gone for a while! The wig has been put away now and I thank God that my own hair is back. Curlier than ever, it used to be straight. From now on I will keep my eyes on Him. He will take care of me!

To God be the glory!

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