Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - Mar/71

Contributor - Joan Drost

Title - The Role of the Minister's Wife

Topic -Ministry

THE BOX

Model Mother Intelligent

Economical Hard Worker

Good Housekeeper Visitor of Congregation

Excellent Hostess President of Guild

Community Worker Counsellor

Homebody Attend Sewing Circle

Good Dresser Sunday School Teacher

Etcetera Organist

Etcetera

Trapped by Ritualism, Legalism and Literalism

Tradition has put the minister's wife in a box, and all that one must do is open the box to attain certain things from her whether she is capable of giving them out or not. Strains have been put upon her because of "occupational expectations". Under stress she has endured bravely. Now, however, the new minister's wife for a new age is seeking freedom from this box. She is breaking with tradition's demands and seeking the way to be herself. She must be herself, she can be no other even though the congregation might like it otherwise. She must first of all find herself in Christ. She must see herself as a person, and finding wholeness in Jesus Christ, she discovers that through the Spirit she is a free being, that she has been delivered from the bondage of

RITUALISM - the invisible "ordination and installation" along with her husband. The assumption that she is part and parcel of her husband "two for the price of one".

LEGALISM - an unseen list of words saying, "she should do this", and "she should not do that", which everyone uses as a checklist consciously or unconsciously.

LITERALISM - the unwritten words which form a "contract", implying you shall be active in all things concerning the Church, ready to meet the demands of all occasions.

Vocation and Avocation

The ministers wife has a vocation; it being a wife and in most cases a mother. In this vocation there are things which she must do and things which she chooses to do to make herself, her family, and her home happy. For some this vocation is enough. It is satisfying and fills the available time in such a way that she is fulfilled. If this is enough for her she should be allowed to stop here and not be pressured by the Church to do extra tasks, sometimes tasks for which she is unqualified!

Others may need something else to do and here is where the minister's wife should have her freedom under the Spirit's direction to choose what she wants to do just as any other Christian wife may choose. All will choose some type of recreation which they enjoy, and some may find they need recreation plus an avocation. Her avocation is any work she chooses to do and is not forced to do above her work as mother and wife. This work may be in the Local Church, Classis, Synod, Denomination, or it may be in community, volunteer or salaried. She should not be compelled to give her avocational time completely to the local Church. Many will happily choose to do only the work of the local Church but many will choose service in other areas. She must be free to choose her extra work, whatever it may be, and having selected it fulfill it with ABANDON - without fear of comment or interference from the Church.

Personal Traps

We have looked at tradition's attitudes and now a look at personal attitudes. There are some self made traps into which a minister's wife falls.

Drudge Trap - "I am so tired and worn from doing all the work." Be an advisor! - let others work but be around to give sound direction if needed.

Prima Donna Trap - "I am president of Guild, Superintendent of Sunday School, and, and, and " Be an encourager! Love your people into their best work for the available jobs.

Example Trap - "I and my family must be an example to others." What an unbearable burden! Be yourself In Christ. If we are constantly worried about being an example we will have no freedom and what bores we become.

Pretender Trap - "I really can't do this job but I must, for what will people say." Be a Talent Scout - ever looking for people who can do the job well.

Excuse Trap - "I would love to go to school to study but I can't, as a minister's wife I don't have the time." Be A Possibility Thinker. Is it because you are a minister's wife or do you lack the courage to strike out into something new? How many times have you said: "I can't really be myself, I always have to think of my role." What is your real self? Is it your being a minister's wife that prevents you from being yourself, or is it that you are too uninspired to try to find out who you are and how to be yourself in Christ?

The Great Trapper

Last, but not least, stands the GREAT TRAPPER, the husband himself! With appealing tones he asks his wife to do jobs in the Church because she is needed so badly. He asks her to do all sorts of merciful acts and in doing them in addition to the other little jobs he has requested she becomes overburdened, and more important, others have lost the opportunity for service. As a result, harmony in the home is disrupted, children are overcome by the busyness of mother and the pressing needs of others. Finally, the wife, overworked by her vocation and extra duties forced upon her, no matter how lovingly, becomes joyless, the husband-wife relationship suffers and the creative life and witness of a Christian woman turns to complaints and sometimes bitterness.

Husbands must re-educate their congregation and consistory so that they and TRADITION no longer put the minister's wife in a "box" (see paragraph one) and demand through spoken and unspoken words from her what they wish to receive.

Husbands and wives must sit down together to think this subject through carefully and prayerfully. With a sense of humor and their love for one another they must get down to the nitty gritty in a sensible manner before the minister's wife, caught between husband and consistory, congregation and tradition, becomes completely trapped!

(This article was written from notes used in a presentation on the subject to stimulate discussion and conversation among ministers and their wives. Much of it may read as overstatement but read carefully and perhaps you will begin to re-evaluate, re-educate, and rededicate yourself to freedom and creative living in one of the greatest roles on earth!)

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