Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - June/94

Contributor - John H. Muller

Title - How To Make Marriage Work

Topic - Marriage

There are milestones along the highway of life which become significant. They often give us opportunity to evaluate what life means to us. There is an important one coming in our lives, when we plan to celebrate our fiftieth wedding anniversary on August 16 of this year.

As one looks back over the years you can see your mistakes as well as your blessings. You can thank God for His guidance and direction as you have sought to avoid the pitfalls that obtrude themselves along life's road.

A good Scriptural takeoff is the love chapter, I Corinthians 13. Here we can find some basic principles that will smooth out the rough places of life. Verses 4 to 8 are especially meaningful.

Basic to a Christian marriage is a personal commitment to Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour. It is essential. Love for God on the part of both partners will enhance your love for each other. Today divorce is much more prevalent than when we started life together. Seldom do two married people divorce when there is a common love for the Lord. We need the vertical relationship to God to see us through the turbulence of life. Christ can calm the troubled seas of our married life just as surely as He calmed the waves of Galilee when He was on earth.

There should be an equal desire to do God's will, and willingness to follow God's leading. We settled this in prayer before marriage. It has carried us through many crucial decisions along the way, as we moved from state to province to foreign countries. It brought us through a time of separation when I served nearly a year as chaplain in Korea. It saw us through six years of separation from our family while serving in Australia. It kept us safe through three years of living in inner-city Los Angeles. "We'll Go Where You Want Us To God, Dear Lord" and "Where He Leads Me, I Will Follow" have been theme hymns for us.

Togetherness is important in making marriage work. Sharing your lives in every way is beautiful. Whether it's home chores, yard work, visiting, or various projects, do them together. Married life is snared life. We began doing Christian work together two years before marriage, and have never ceased. My wife is not a feminist, but she has always been at my right hand to aid in all kinds of Christian work, and to take part in hundreds of church activities. Even yet, at our age, she works with me in sponsoring our youth group.

Thoughtfulness for each other can go a long way. Little kindnesses carry much weight. Consideration for the needs of your partner is a must. Try to remember their likes and dislikes, and tailor yours to theirs as best you can.

Thankfulness is another trait that must be emphasized. Take nothing for granted. So often we have heard regrets expressed following a death - "Why didn't I tell him - or her?" "I wish I had show more appreciation," etc. Express your appreciation for a good meal, a sweet thought, or a kind deed. The Christian life should be characterized by a thankful heart, overflowing with gratitude to God and our fellow man.

Unselfishness can be expressed in many ways in our homes. I Corinthians 13:5(MOF.) says that "love is never selfish." The RSV says that "love does not insist on its own way." This is evidenced the treatment of your partner, and is also own in the sharing of your home. Our home has always been "open house" to relatives and friends through the years, and it has greatly added to the pleasure of life together.

Marriage partners need to develop a sense of trust. Vs 4 (MOF.) says that "love knows no jealousy" and vs. 5(KJV) states that "love thinketh no evil" and the NIV says that "love keeps no record of wrongs." Jealousy should have no place in a Christian home. Instead, we need a sense of complete trust.

A rule in our home has always been that we will never have an alcoholic beverage in our possession - not for drinking, not for medicine, not even for cooking. Hence none of the many problems that follow the use of such beverages has ever plagued our home.

A sense of humour is also important. We have to be able to laugh at our mistakes, and be quick to forgive any wrong words or thoughts. Thus we can enjoy living, and life can be fun.

Always take the positive approach to life. The negative will come easily enough. Try to see the best in every situation. Never give up hope. "Love always hopes."(vs 6-NIV). Berkeley translates it: "Love hopes under all circumstances." Despite Peter's problems, Jesus always saw the potential in Peter. So we too must always seek to see the best in our mates. "Love can overlook faults." (vs. 7 WEY.)

Marriage is a wonderful institution when love prevails. It is cemented firmer through the years. "Love will never come to an end." (vs. 8 NEB) God's love, mercy, and keeping power will see us through to the end. Soli deo gloria!!! "TO

GOD ALONE BE GLORY!"

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