Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - June/91

Contributor - Anonymous

Title - Healing Your Pastor

Topic - Ministers

I am a pastor. For reasons I cannot divulge and still retain anonymity I believe I can provide insight into how pastors think, feel and act. I have seen firsthand what lifts them up. I have also seen what breaks them down. I have seen the hurting that can happen. I have also been privileged to see the healing.

As a result, this issue's discussion of the church as a healing community will be more complete with a practical examination of the theme "Healing Your Pastor."

"Pardon me? Heal the pastor? My dear misinformed friend, I'm afraid you've got that wrong. We pay our pastor good money to heal us!"

Alas, herein lies the greatest challenge in healing the pastor - changing the mindset of those who think the pastor, like a company truck can do almost anything without ongoing maintenance or special care! One of those FAX FUNNIES that does the fax circuit goes like this:

Q. How can you spot a Company Truck?

A. It's easy! Company Trucks are different from personal trucks - here's how! Company Trucks can travel faster in all gears. They accelerate much faster than your own truck. They also enjoy a much shorter braking distance. They can take bumps at twice the speed of private trucks and normally require oil changes at only 100,000 mile intervals. Company Trucks can be driven 100 miles (or more) with the oil pressure light flashing. They are adapted to allow the transmission to be shifted into reverse while going forward at 20 mph. Their tire walls are designed for bumping into and over curbs. Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by turning the radio volume up. Company Trucks are not designed to be washed or waxed and they can carry roughly ten times as much as a private truck (maximum gross load is determined by what point the rear tires blow out). Yes folks, Company Trucks are truly amazing!"

While you're still laughing (especially if yo drive a company truck!), please understand that there are plenty of church folks who subconsciously think the same way about their pastor! "Our Pastor? Hey, what a guy! He is specially designed and equipped to handle anything! He is at your disposal any time day or night - thrives on 3 hours of sleep - and you can say or do absolutely anything to him and he won't get mad at you! He can type, photocopy and collate, bury the dead and inspire executives - all on the same day!" Or as another rogue put it - "The qualifications of a pastor are simple: he must have the mind of a scholar, the heart of a child and the hide of a rhinoceros!"

Yes, the popular mindset in the pew has been and continues to be that the pastor is virtually indestructible - almost of super-human strength. But is he? If so, then why does the average pastor stay in one congregation for only 3.5 years? If so, then why do 35% of new pastors throw in the towel after their first congregation? If so, then why are physical, emotional and spiritual break-downs so frighteningly common among pastors?

Therefore, from a pastor's perspective and a pastor's heart, I'd like to mention a few simple pointers that congregations can implement to help "Heal Their Pastor" - that is, to prevent him from breaking down prematurely, thereby enabling him to make the greatest contribution to the Kingdom of God and your local church.

Maytag Repairman Syndrome

Maytag Repairman be the loneliest person town, but the local church pastor probably runs a close second.

Many times the pastor and his family are called in from a different part of the continent and scarcely know a soul in town (other than the search committee's chairperson). Furthermore, many pastors have been taught - formally or informally - to keep at an arm's length from their congregation, but this inevitably backfires in a black cloud of loneliness.

Be a friend to your pastor and his family. Remember his birthday and anniversary. Discover his hobbies and create opportunities for friendship building. Be an oasis of kindness. Try inviting him over '- not to critique last Sunday's sermon or vent your opposition to the recent Board decision, but to see how he's doing as a human being, one of God's people and your brother or sister in Christ Jesus.

Once you have developed a level of friendship please start asking some heart-to-heart, caring questions. After all, that is what significant friendships are all about! Questions like: How is it going - really? How is your marriage? Your kids? Are you getting your rest? How many hours are you putting in these days? Is Mrs. H. still working you over? What are you reading? How is your prayer life? What are the main issues in your life right now?

You might say "Good night! I can't ask my pastor questions like that!" Yes you can - if you are his friend! Paul wrote, "Bear one another's burdens and so fulfil the law of Christ." (Gal. 6:2) Do you know what your pastor's burdens are? He's got some - as do you. He is probably trying to bears yours, why not help him bear his!

On The Front Lines

Your pastor is on the front lines of the Enemy's assault. In the recent Persian Gulf War, we all prayed much for the men and women on the front lines and witnessed their miraculous protection and effectiveness. Pastors likewise will be protected and be made more effective, creative and powerful (in the Spirit) through your prayers.

In my own congregation, there are several people who tell me often that they pray for me and my family every single day. What an encouragement! It puts wind in my sails just to hear those words! They are praying for ME! Suddenly, I believe even stronger that I CAN "do all things through Christ who strengthens me!" (Phil. 4:13) 1 may be in the midst of a battle and take some shrapnel in my leg, but when I know that there are people praying for me to overcome and conquer, I press on towards that higher ground!

I sometimes wonder whether the fact that there are some ineffective pastors is related to the lack of prayer support within their congregation. Is there a correlation? Only God knows, but there seems to me to be a vicious cycle of: prayerlessness, pastoral ineffectiveness, and congregational discontent that can go on and on, stifling a local church and its pastors for years.

The Sacred Day

Everyone needs a rest from what they do day after day God said it was so. Now, perhaps it is largely a pastor's own fault, but most pastors I know do a very poor job of fulfilling the fourth commandment. That hard to place meeting, that crisis counselling session or that traditional gathering of power-brokers often finds its way into the pastor's rest day. Who is to' blame? It must be shared between pastors who fail to treat their day off as "already booked" and lay people who do not fully appreciate the pastor's need for a complete day of rest.

Imagine . . . one complete day of rest. It is glorious! By the way, how many days of rest do you get from your regular occupation? Two? Three? Four-on, four-off?

Consider this. When your pastor gets exactly one day of rest per week, it is almost certainly jam-packed with must-do family and home responsibilities - cutting the grass, painting the fence, changing the oil, getting the groceries, running the errands. I know a pastor who repairs his own vehicles and if he does not finish doing his brakes by nightfall Monday, his vehicle sits like that until next Monday's rest. For most pastors, their day of rest is not a rest at all, but a frantic day of hustle and bustle.

Researchers have demonstrated the fact that the average person is spending less and less time at work and more and more time at leisure activities. And yet, bucking the trend is your pastor, in all likelihood still working 6 days per week and taking his one whole day off. (If you don't count the four phone calls, two drop-bys and the emergency evening meeting that day!)

Let me be frank. Lay leaders reading this article, it is high time you go to your pastor and demand that he take 1.5 or even (gasp) 2 whole days off! Spread the word to the consistory. Ask them to put this item on the next consistory agenda. Your pastor might gratefully (and incredulously) accept. More likely, he will tell you that he cannot possibly do all his work in only 5 days. In that event, you will need to work out some creative solutions with consistory (i.e. axing the Sunday night service, taking over his counselling load, removing the pastoral requirement to regularly visit individual families, and so on.)

If You Are Going To Do It, Do It Right

Pastors are humans and as humans, they have weaknesses, make mistakes, and sin. Something that will bring healing into your pastor's life is to correctly respond to his weaknesses, mistakes and sins. The traditional approach is to get on the phone and complain about it to somebody, form a support group of like-minded complainers, become hypersensitive to any further expressions of the item in question, and still smile sweetly on Sunday as if nothing is wrong. Then one day (18 months later), it all comes in the open and the pastor is hurt - sometimes badly. Is there not a better way?

There certainly is. Jesus said in Matthew 18 "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over." He goes on to state the next two courses of action in the subsequent verses. The point is, deal with your pastor's sins in the right way. If you are going to do it, do it right. The benefits are marvellous. You will not get ulcers stewing over the situation for 18 months. Harmony in the Body will be maximized, and your pastor will have a better chance to deal with his sin and be made whole.

End Notes

Wholeness is what healing your pastor is all about. Church growth experts say that a pastor's most effective years rarely begin until after his fourth or fifth years of ministry in the same church. It is tragic that most pastors never get there because they end up hurting so badly, that they just tuck their tail between their legs and go find another church.

There is so much more I would like to say that would contribute to the healing of your pastor. Things like - encourage him (even when things are going right). Brag about him behind his back. It will surely find its way to his ears. Be forthright with people who deal with their pastor's weaknesses in the "traditional" way.

Your pastor is the shepherd ho helps you find healing in your hurts. Remember this he will do this far more effectively if he is running on all 8 cylinders himself

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