Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - June/85

Contributor - Freda Witteveen

Title - Two Shall Become One

Topic - Women, Marriage

He answered Have you not read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one. (Matthew 19.-4, 5 RSV)

June is traditionally a popular month for weddings, probably because the weather is more predictable and nature is verdant and full, but statistically entering into marriage in these troubled times is a risky affair indeed, and I use the word affair intentionally since it may well be that some affairs last longer than some marriages. Currently about one in three marriages ends in divorce and the figure could rise.

Weddings have become big business, such a complicated and complex event that it becomes separated from the condition of being married. The wedding is but one activity that incorporates a lot of work and expense for the family and that generates much attention for the bride and groom. What is a celebration of love when two of God's family are joined in His presence is often a notable social occasion and fashion parade. The 'wedding' is steeped with tradition and rules of etiquette and the proper way things should be done and afterwards the memories are sealed in expensive albums trimmed with gold and flowers.

The marriage, however, will hopefully last much longer than the wedding event, and it also entails a lot of work, this time on the part of the bride and groom who are now husband and wife. Experts and other advice-givers suggest for success in marriage that the partners should be friends. This is likely solid advice, we must like this person we have committed our future to, have respect for him or her and be happy in the time we spend together. But the friendship of the relationship will always be limited by the constraints of our human condition. The friend we must count on in marriage is God. In the Bible we can read the words spoken by Jesus about marriage, we find examples of Christian marriages and we can learn the ways to make relationships work.

Go to any display of magazines at any time and you will be able to select one that has an article on making marriages work, now there is also considerable focus on making second marriages a success. Very often it seems that our marriages are a result of or a reflection of the expectations we bring into it. We all have romantic and idealistic dreams of what married life will be like, ideas perpetuated in the media, songs and movies. When the reality we experience in our daily routine is not like the fantasy we have built up in our minds there can be great disappointment and a source of future friction. This is unfortunate indeed since there are already so many factors that can become a cause of stress for the two individuals who are striving for unity, factors such as family relations, children, finances, careers and sexual comparability.

This is the point where we remember that the union does not involve just two but is actually a three way partnership. God is a necessary and important presence in the marriage. Recognizing and praying for God's will in our married life and making Him first in all our decisions will make the path much smoother. And although the words say 'two shall become one', the marriage still comprises two individuals who will grow and change in the course of time. In that awareness each must be willing and able to experience and accept this growth and change.

Marriage is like a flower garden. I work with my garden and it provides me with beauty and pleasure. But when I neglect my garden it is taken over with weeds and its beauty and potential are lost. God is involved with my gardening as well for He has established the workings of nature which I acknowledge in order for my garden to become a thing of joy. So too in marriage we must understand and recognize His precepts, we must submit our selfish interests to His plan so that our marriage with God in the partnership will become a thing of beauty and joy to all who behold it.

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