Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - June/80

Contributor - Jean Webster Hartmans

Title - How Are You?

Topic - Women

How are you? Everyday it is such a normal question and the expected answer is, "Fine". After the usual formality is over and done with, we can then scurry on to the more important everyday business at hand.

My impression of most daily human encounters is that they take place in a hurry and on a superficial level. But I d like to pause for a while at the question of "How are you?" and expand that to, "How are you, and how do you feel about life right now?"

There is a saying in Dutch which, after translation, goes like this: "Each little house has its own little cross". In other words, we all have burdens to bear. The more that I go through life with my limited experience and wisdom, the more truth I see in this saying. Within our family's realm of friends, relatives and acquaintances, there are many sagas taking place.

There is another saying which says, "it takes all kinds of people to make a world". We Christians know this from the many types of people we read about in the Bible. Indeed, men and women of the Bible varied in their dedication, their belligerence, their piety, their faith, their wisdom ' and their sinning. What a contrast between Mary and Martha. One was very attentive and pious and the other was a busybody trying to get things done round the house. What a contrast between Samuel who was so stable and obedient, and David who had his ups and downs. Yet they were all God's servants.

And so it is in our own lives and time. Some persons have great burdens to bear, but do not talk about them. Or, they may perceive, rightly or wrongly, that no one understands anyway, and decide not to talk about their problems. But, failure to talk about a problem does not mean that it is not there. Failure to talk about a problem does not mean that it is easy to bear.

When you ask such persons about themselves, they may say that are fine. But, if we allow the Spirit to lead us, we might be able to get closer to them and discover how they really feel. It is a rare and holy time when someone shares his deepest thoughts and feelings with you or when you are loved enough to unburden yourself to another.

In my mind's eye, I see several examples of persons with burdens and I wonder how they feel. Perhaps we can think about some of them.

How does it feel to be a teenage client at a drop-in centre of a mental health clinic? How does it feel to be a school drop-out, and unready for work? How does it feel to have your parents pushing you and telling you that you have been sick long enough, when you know yourself that you are losing weight and that you are still not mentally well?

How does it feel to be a parent who has had to suffer the humiliation of children who have been difficult, who have been rebellious, or who may have done some evil? How does it feel to be such a parent talking to parents whose children are exemplary and who have a right to be very proud?

How does it feel to be a child who has learning difficulties? How does a 7-year-old feel about himself when other kids say he's in the "dumb class"? Do we inquire from the parents about the learning problems and what steps are being taken to correct the situation or do we assume that the child really is unable to learn?

How does it feel to be a parent of a retarded child and talk to a parent whose child is at the top of his class in school? Does the parent of the retarded child feel reluctant to exclaim about an important step in the development of her child, though it may seem an insignificant milestone compared to the more glamorous achievement of the so-called normal child?

How does it feel to be a widow with children to raise on your own? Do we ever inquire how she feels or do we just take for granted that no news means she's adjusted well now and we needn't bother anymore?

How does it feel to be old? How does it feel to be unable to read because of poor eyesight, or to be unable to hear a conversation because of poor hearing? How is it to feel pain all of the time? How does it feel to lose your friends one by one as they die?

How does it feel to go through a divorce and to be both mother and father to your children? How does it feel to be rejected by someone you once trusted and loved? How does it fell to have to scrimp and do without things you once had?

How does it feel to be an immigrant? How does it feel to have to learn to speak a new language and to adjust to a new culture? How does it feel to know that you will be buried in a new land, far away from your parents and loved ones?

How does it feel to be disfigured or disabled? How does it feel to have people stare and children point and ask questions about you, because you are different? How does it feel to be in a wheelchair and find you cannot even get into a building or a bus or a train or a bathroom?

How does it feel to be a drug addict or an alcoholic? How does it feel to be an observer of life, not a participant? Why is life so painful that you need an escape?

How does it feel to be a child in a home where irresponsible parents do not provide meals or moral Support? How does it feel to have depressed parents who cannot share love because they need some so badly themselves?

These are just a few examples of people with burdens. They are-not all unusual circumstances and some are probably recognizable by all of us in those around us. We know much about people's circumstances, but do . we know how people really feel deep aown about their situation? Do others know how we feel?

Jesus said, "Come unto me all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

He wants us to honestly tell Him how we feel. What good news! We have a responsibility as Christian women to be willing listeners and search out the needs of others. We have an additional responsibility to point others to the Good News of God's love. Read the Psalms and you will see that they express inner feelings to God. The psalmist was able to say what was on his heart to God, in happy, sad, and desperate moments.

Read the book of Romans. It is a glorious statement by Paul on how we can be acceptable to God. He gives us this assurance, as expressed in The Way, Romans 8: 38, 39. "For I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't and life can't. The angels won't, and all the powers of hell itself cannot keep God's love away. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, or where we are - - high above the sky, or in the deepest ocean - - nothing will ever able to separate us from the love God demonstrated by our Lord Jesus Christ when he died for us."

In our relationship with God-created individuals around us, Jesus expects us to accept others where they are at, in their particular circumstances, just as He is willing to accept us where we are, if we trust Him. Jesus accepts us just as we are, so how can we do less?

Our feelings are there to be explained and expressed. Do we care enough about ourselves and others to listen and to share?

"How are you?" is a question which takes a lifetime to answer.

Please click the "Back" button of your browser to return to previous page.