Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - July/92

Contributor - Al and Eleanor Nyp

Title - Ministry for Men, By Men

Topic - Men

It's time to let the rest of the world know what we've secretly suspected for some time now. Men are different from women! Since we are different it would seem logical to assume that men need to be ministered to in different ways. Scripture appears to be very clear on the fact that men are the stronger sex. (I Peter 3:7). Men's Health, a new journal, states that men are expected to have the mental clarity of a Zen master, the determination of Atlas, the stamina of a long distance runner, the strength of a warrior, the resilience of a world class athlete, and the creativity of a Barnyshnikov. However, to be quite frank, it hasn't looked all that terrific for us men in recent years. Just look at these well-documented facts:

- women continue to outlive us by 8 to 10 years;

- men get more heart attacks, ulcers, strokes and cancers than women;

- the media maintains we're not in touch with our feelings;

- statistics say we still work too hard, play too hard, and drink too much; and

- psychologists maintain that our stress is excessive.

What's a Man To Do?

The traditional self-image of the average North American male can well be described as macho, hyper-sexual, highly rational, much more important than women, and psychiatrically "normal" (at least in his own eyes). He endures no putdowns, restrains his feelings, heads up the family, plays a leading role in society, works to make money for early retirement, avoids communication, and views creativity as "sissy stuff". Although this image is changing rapidly it still plays a dominant role in the thinking of the average male.

In a culture evolving as quickly as ours, the conventional roles to which men have been accustomed father, husband, bread-winner, achiever either have changed or are being challenged. All in all, it's not easy being a man. For most Christian men today, the problems they face within the structure and culture of the church are much the same. It has always been customary for men to be church leaders, ministers, elders, deacons, etc. This follows Biblical teachings (I Tim. 2:8, 1 Tim. 3:2, 1 Tim. 3:12, Titus 1:6). When problems arise in the church it is usually the men of the church who assume the leadership role in resolving them. But who ministers to the problems of men? We have specific ministries in our churches for women, youth and children. Many of our churches have specialized ministries for single adults, seniors, and young couples. But very few, if any, have specific ministries for men.

In today's rapidly changing culture, both in the world and in the church, where men's traditional roles are constantly being changed or challenged, there must be a unique ministry established FOR MEN, BY MEN.

Ministers Can't Do It All

Unfortunately, this ministry cannot be provided by the majority of pastors. Although they are men and do share many of the same inherent conflicts, many are out of touch with the world in which the average man must contend. I have experienced first-hand the inability of the church to minister effectively and constructively in times of economic hardship. Most pastors are excellent listeners and this is an important quality as it is necessary for us to be able to unload on an objective, caring individual. They are also excellent at giving us the spiritual assurances needed. However, when it comes to practical advice, most don't have the life experiences necessary to offer concrete help. Where do you go from down and out? How do you be, in again? These situations are arising at an alarming rate as job insecurity increases. Men who thought their careers were set until retirement are suddenly finding themselves out of work due to cost-cutting measures. The work force is saturated with younger, well-educated, competitive men and women all vying for the same positions.

Most ministers, with the exception of those who entered the ministry as a second career, have no idea what it is like to be fired yet again because the company can't afford you anymore and your position is eliminated. Most ministers don't know the humiliation and guilt a man feels when he can 't provide the necessities of life for his family. Ministers don't know what it feels like to have to swallow their pride and ask for social assistance when all else fails. Ministers, generally, have their careers pretty much laid out for them, so although they can sympathize they can't really relate or offer practical assistance in these areas. Consequently, it is extremely important that men organize their own support ministries within the church. There must be an instrument in place within the church where men can help one another to deal with some of the following problems they face: feelings, communication, self-image, social role and family role.

Can We Afford Not To Initiate a Ministry Such as This?

Over the course of their lives, all men have gone through many peaks and valleys, so most men should have a wealth of knowledge at their fingertips. Once they learn that it's okay to share honestly and shed their masks, men can help other men who are going through similar situations they have already conquered. What worked for them? Where to go for specific help? What to do when you're down and out? How do you start over in mid-life? In ministering to other men, men can and must open up their hearts to each other in brotherly love. We all need to know we're not expected to do it alone. "Blessed are the poor in spirit for their's is the kingdom of heaven." (Matt. 5:3) If we have a need, God has an answer. He uses other men who understand and who have already been there to point us in the right direction and with this new reassurance we can regroup and begin again. The church needs to address this ministry now more than ever.

It is not just a case of setting up counselling sessions for men, rather it is a case of men uniting together to explore honest feelings, communicate on personal levels, and together find solutions that will allow them to grow and be the productive, self-assured ministers God meant them to be. Can we afford not to initiate a ministry such as this?

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