Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - July/91

Contributor - Lisa M. Koudijs

Title - Single and Whole

Topic - Singles

Children's chatter, busy little bodies everywhere, building block sky scrapers, show and tell bags of goodies, eager faces . . . and thus begins another day of kindergarten. A gentle tug on the skirt brings me to the attention of a pair of inquisitive blue eyes, "Miss Rhodes, where's your husband?" Children always seem to ask the most probing questions which usually seem to catch us off guard at the moment they are asked. A quick reply of, "I don't have a husband," was followed by yet another question. "But, why not?" I do not recall my answer, but I do remember the thoughts that followed. That adorable five year old had me thinking . . . three years of teaching, twenty-five years old, and single?

That child had made some assumptions: I should be married and something was wrong if I was not. Her world told her I should be married. It made me wonder, "Is a single person whole? I questioned God about that. I think God wants us to see people as needing to be whole, but marital status does not make a person whole. A whole person is one who knows Christ as Saviour and lets Him rule as Lord in their life so that nothing interferes with their relationship with God. Society (usually those married) tells singles they are not whole. People's actions and attitudes convey to singles that they are incomplete. Yet, single people see themselves as whole, and others must learn to do the same.

If it is God who makes us whole creatures in Him, then it is God who must give us the power to minister to others. How can we (the church) effectively minister to the single person. Perhaps our most effective ministry is to begin to erase the dividing lines between people: single/married, young/old, male/female, even Dutch/not Dutch. Let us minister to people first, by learning to reach beyond our comfort zone and see others through the caring eyes of a loving Saviour.

Did Jesus divide people into groups and try to create separate ministries for each group? We need to look beyond our labels and seek to reach out to individuals and not the labels we attach to them. Let us conquer our dividing wars and build bridges instead. More than a separate Singles or Young Adults ministry, single adults of all ages need to feel they are living, vital, active members of the Body of Christ. Singles do enjoy fellowship with their peers: singing, Bible study, prayer, and social activities, but frequently we limit people to a specific group where we believe they belong.

We must look for untapped resources to serve God. Some are overlooked because of' their marital status for involvement on committees, and service as elders or deacons.

Romans 12 reminds us that, "Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not have the same function, so in Christ who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others." (Rom. 12:4-5) We need each other. Paul continues and tells us how we need each other and how we must meet the needs of one another. We must serve, teach, encourage, and contribute to the needs of each other; give generously, lead, govern, and show mercy and do it cheerfully! All this takes the power of God to accomplish effectively. In his book, Radical Christianity, Tim Timmons talks about the power of God. "Paul urges us to present our bodies to God and transform our lives by the renewing of our minds. Once we have done that, God gives us the power to live the Christian life. 'I'm going to give you the power to have gifts so that you can effectively minister to people.' . . . When we give ourselves to Him, God gives us that kind of power ... God's power makes a difference in people's lives. . ." What difference is God making in your lives right now?

God calls us to reach out and love others, including singles. Singles are a varied group with various needs, and yet we all do have similar needs. We need to know we are loved, have value, and have our own little niche. The church should be such a haven of rest where we can find and give unconditional love. How can we do that?

We need to get to know people, instead of putting so much energy into treating them according to our labels for them. At twenty-nine and still single, I was tired of questions like that kindergarten child had asked years earlier, but now adults were asking them. In their desire to help, they would try to set me up with some nice, eligible, young man, or many would just mention what a nice person so-and-so was and why not .... Most singles do not appreciate such help, but would much prefer others to take the time to get to know them. Just treat them like any other person.

Singles include more than the never been married people. The newest growing group of singles the church needs to reach out to are single parents and/or divorced people. Our treatment of these singles seems to be like that of the lepers in the Bible. We want them outside the church until they are healed. We just are not certain how to relate to them or minister to them. Instead of being a healing element in their fives, we often add to their suffering and hurt. Remember the old saying, Christians are not perfect just forgiven? Maybe, we need to remind ourselves of that more often. Let us learn to provide a shelter in the storm and be a haven of rest to those in need. We all need God's shelter. Our arm reaching out can be a loving witness to His love for us.

The older singles in our churches are overlooked many times. They have many gifts and talents, and need to be provided with opportunities to serve. Transportation can be a cause of their lack of involvement. Instead of asking if they need a ride, we could call and offer to pick them up. Our elders have years of experience and wisdom, and we ought to find ways to include them and make them feel necessary members of the body.

"Singles have lots of time" ... or so the assumption goes. Some singles do need encouragement to become involved in our churches, but no more than most who warm the pews on Sunday, content to watch others do the work. We can help them see their gifts and encourage them to use them. Often just taking the time to ask them, gets them involved.

Many singles do get involved, but when we demand too much, they become overwhelmed with expectations from the church, work family and friends. Do not assume that a single person has nothing to do and add to their burdensome list. We all need each other, regardless of age, sex, background or marital status. In I Cor. 12:21, Paul reminds us of our need for each other. Needing each other means I can be open and admit that I sometimes feel lonely, I need an encouraging word, and that I can let others serve me when I am in needs. We need to accept love as well as give it. Remember, it is God that supplies the power. He gives us the love to overflow to others. We must be tapped into His Spirit to be enabled to reach out and be involved. Tim Timmons seems to be saying just that. "Most of the time we're willing to stand on the sidelines and cheer, but we're extremely cautious when it comes to actually getting involved and letting God make a difference ... Being a spectator is a cinch, but becoming a participant involves commitment." Let us become more committed to the ministry of others. When we listen, care for others, offer genuine concern for them, and really reach out in His love, then we will be ministering to people, as well as to singles.

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