Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - July/88

Contributor - Rosemary Zeitsma

Title - Suicide

Topic - Suicide

When approached to write this article a number of feelings were evoked in me. I have had to deal with suicide from a personal standpoint as I watched a family member die of anorexia nervosa (a condition which many professionals now believe to be a very slow form of suicide). I've also had to deal with suicide as a social worker, involved professionally with a client who shot himself to death, leaving behind a wife and three children.

As a Christian, one finds it almost impossible to fathom how one can become so distraught, as to take ones own life. Yet, statistics show us that suicide is on the rise, especially among teenagers.

We as parents, living in this very busy, stressful time, often fail to take the time to think about the pressures our children are under and face daily. How many of us sit down and ask our children if they have ever been offered or coerced into taking drugs or alcohol? Who of us, talk to their children about sex and the pressures placed upon them by their peers?

It is very easy to play "ostrich in the sand" and assume that this sort of thing could never happen to our child because they come from a fine family, which regularly attends church, and leads a Christian way of life. Believe it or not, at some point during adolescence, most parents get the "back seat" when it comes to the importance of friends over family. I am in no way implying that a strong Christian upbringing is not important. Of course it is. What I am saying is that we should not become blind to what could be happening in our children's lives. For example, do you know whether or not your child feels comfortable turning to the Lord for comfort and support when troubled? If you don't know, then ask! Become aware of how your child deals with stress and problems.

My intention is not to give anyone the impression that suicidal thoughts are limited only to teenagers. On the contrary, many adults find themselves so overwhelmed with financial problems, illness, feelings of inadequacy and loneliness that they ultimately feel unable to cope. If their faith is firm and strong enough to lead them to the Lord for help, they will usually find comfort and solace. When a person is struggling and wondering where they fit into God's family, they can be left with unanswered questions and with a view of a dark road ahead. We should never assume that because a person is a member of our "church family" they have the courage and ability to work these problems out on their own.

Webster's definition of suicide is one of "self-murder". In I Corinthians 6:19 and 20 the Bible refers to our bodies as "temples of the Lord". In Matthew 5:21 we are told that we cannot murder. If we murder our own bodies through suicide, and these bodies have been given to us through the grace of God, then we are in fact destroying the Lord's temple. What then happens on judgement day when we stand face to face with our Creator, to be held accountable for our actions? These thoughts may be helpful if you find yourself having to comfort someone whom you suspect to be severely depressed.

The following short list may help in recognizing when a person may need some form of professional intervention:

1. Never take a suicide gesture lightly. If someone discusses thoughts of this, or in any way attempts some form of self-destruction, get help immediately, through your minister, a professional, or a doctor.

2. If you sense severe mood swings in a person and feel they are more than is justifiable, discuss your concerns with them and listen to what they tell you.

3. Be aware of erratic behaviour in your children or severe personality changes and talk to them about what you see happening. Find out from them what problems they are trying to deal with and be as supportive as possible in helping them through this. (If you feel you cannot help them, then get someone who can.)

4. If you believe that someone is not dealing appropriately with the death of a loved one, (keeping in mind that everyone requires a different mourning period), then tell them about your concerns and discuss this with them.

These points are merely meant as guidelines to help make us more aware of emotional behaviour that may be detrimental. One of the comments most frequently made following a suicide is "they seemed to be doing so well". A high percentage of self-inflicted deaths occur following a crisis when the person appears to be on the "up".

I am not an expert on suicide nor do I claim to be an authority on human emotions. I am a wife, mother, social worker, and a Christian, and if the personal views in this article makes one person turn to another to offer emotional assistance, then the Lord has used me wisely. There is nothing more traumatic than watching the family of a suicide victim try to live with the guilt and unanswered questions of "why?" and "what did I do wrong?".

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