Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - Jan/78

Contributor - Mrs. J. Vandermolen

Title - "Hi Kids/ Youth/ Parents......... Could we talk things over.?"

Topic - Parenting

Introduction:

I was asked to write something about "our approach to rebellious teenagers". My first "rebellious" reaction was: "No way!" I am not a mother of teenagers anymore; a grandmother should stay out of this!" Moreover, I knew even before I had put one word on paper, that I would step on hundreds of grown-up toes, because I am a little radical myself. I do not believe in such a thing as a "total rebellious teenager", unless there are some basic reasons!

Why did I say "Yes"? I found it a real challenge. I did have five teenagers myself, worked for about five years as a volunteer housemother in a juvenile delinquency center, and at the present time I am privileged to be a counsellor on a distress line, which is operated anonymously. This makes me by no means an expert on the subject, but I would love to make my feelings known!

"WHERE IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?"

Did you ever hear this, kids? Was it really you who wanted this world as it is right now? Do You think that we as parents are to blame for this turmoil in behaviour among young and old? Let's get one thing straight first! We all at times are professionals in wearing a mask. Since we agree upon this, a second step is necessary! You pull off yours, and we will do the same! We have not seen each other often this way. We're so used to covering up,,our real feelings and emotions, that there is no time for communication. One more thing, before we start talking this will take self-discipline from both sides. Whatever you say, we will take you as you are! Not as. we want you to be, and you will have to take us as we are too, by whatever we say, not necessarily the way you want us to be! Good, now we are on common ground as far as our intentions are concerned. We will let you talk first: "what's eating you most?" The rat race. We study till we are blue in the face, we have to know a lot about things we'll never use in life, and if we're lucky, to pull through, there is no market for the career we chose. Unemployment sky high there we are with our diploma, or B.A.! It makes us sick. Applications galore. "We wish you luck in the future", "Big deal! Who wants welfare cheques? Not me! But one has to live, Mom and Dad sacrificed long enough. We look for an apartment, two, three, four of us, and live together, it's cheaper that way! We are almost forced into immorality. Besides that, everyone is doing it! A bit of drinking for fun? So what, you are doing it. But immediately you people connect this with drugs, apathy, vandalism, violence, you name it, we are doing it ... Right?"

"Wrong" Sure there is a minority who is doing this for kicks, but the vast majority are still coping with their misadventures! Glad you were so honest! We do not think that you're to blame for the mess we're in ! We do not think that you're to blame for all those strikes among hospital personnel, firefighters, mailmen, airport personnel, etc. Neither do you have anything to do with all those bombings, highjackings, kidnappings, child-,abuse, rapes, etc.

You are in a way victims of society. No, don't get me wrong, shoving the blame on society as such, it's the affluence of society which makes incredible demands. The corruption and fraud among some leaders makes you doubt if all that you once respected in life has gone down the drain! You must, once in a while think: "To heck with it". "No young man, no young woman, there is still so much to live for".

Don't tell me we are going to get a sermon?",

"There's no way I'm going to preach to you!" But you promised to take us as we are! If I have to keep this bottled up, I am not me!

I'll tell you about a little incident concerning stealing by one of the residents of our "drop in" center. A beautiful coloured girl of about seventeen, came in, curly hair, smiling from ear to ear. "Hi Rita. .." "Hi sweetheart, do I ever love that yellow sweater on you... fantastic with your complexion!" "Glad you like it, I just stole it!" "You did what?" "You heard me" "I did!" "I was in the Salvation Army store, because I was cold, and was looking for something warm. There was this sweater. Fit beautifully, 75 cents. I had only a quarter. I wondered... and wondered ... and wondered. This has been given by rich people in order to give it to poor people and I am poor... I have nothing!" "But sweetheart, stealing is stealing..." "Don't give me that religious bit, I know all about it, but I know that Jesus loves me even though I am black. If He would have been in that store, He would have said: "Here my girl, warm yourself with it, I will pay for it". That's why I walked out!"

"Don't tell me this was a sermon! It was only showing you the' great compassion our Master has, even for the wrong doers, the frustrated ones, the youth who cannot find their way. If we only could believe as one coloured girl did. Do you? Another small incident. This time on the distress line. A dignified voice asking: "Could I talk to you, do you have time?" You see this is another strike against you young people. Nobody has time. Nobody listens, everybody hurries in this overcrowded, world. Rubbing elbows everywhere, you are lonely, no communication anymore. "Do you have time?" "All the time in the world". I said! "You see, the walls are coming down on me, and I have to talk! I feel... I cannot go on like this ... I am a homosexual, have a beautiful job, people look up to me because they do not know me... nobody knows me as I really am... what my inner desires are .... If they knew me, they would condemn me, church people would quote bible verses, other friends would give me that certain look and the cold shoulder" ... Silence . .. "Do I hear crying?" Haltingly he continues: "But you know something? ... there is One who understands, and that is God. He has never turned me away!..........

It does not matter what I answered, I only want you young people to know that no matter what frustrations or turmoil you are in, Jesus deals with sinners in His own way, and in His own time. We older people so often seem to have answers for everything, but, Jesus is still asking the same question of us, the accusers: "He,,who has never sinned, may throw the first stone". "Doesn't this let you off the hook easily?" Let me tell you, nothing comes easily in our lives, neither does it in yours!

We do have to have a change of heart, but so must you! We have to throw off that old nature, and be willing to take on a new life style. It's this new and different life style that stands out ' in the crowd, that attracts others, that is fascinating and exciting!

I read: "A lot of people are worried about our kids today"I'm not. I'm worried about the kids of tomorrow. What kind of parents are they going to have?

It's about time kids, youth, parents, that we re-evaluate ourselves. Re-evaluate our faith, our behaviour. There are no pat answers, not even in the Bible. Our sins have been dealt with long ago. Somewhere, on a hill on a painful cross. It was a high price ' but at the same time a gift. But, what is a Giver with a gift, if there is no one to receive it? Isn't it about time that we stop resisting, for all kinds of reasons, and receive this Gift in humility, by grace?

Sorry kids, I'm preaching again but, I shudder when I read tonight's paper and read of the spiraling statistics of suicides among our young people, and most of them died as victims of the worlds biggest disease: Loneliness, that's why!

"Please kids, youth, parents, take time to talk things over, eh?"

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