Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - Jan/67

Contributor - John Moerman

Title - God's Creation Order and Today's Marriage Life

Topic - Marriage

Matt. 19: 3-6

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?" He answered, "Have you not read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, and sad, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one'? So they are no longer two but one. What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder."

The last sentence of this passage has been quoted more often than any other Bible passage on the subject of man-woman relationship. We have heard it in church during the marriage ceremony of every new couple: "What therefore God has joined together let no man put asunder." Yet, in spite of that word from the Lord Jesus, marriages do break up left and right in practically every nation. One out of every three or four marriages on this North American continent end up in legal separation or divorce. And this alarming rate is still on the increase.

Separations and divorces are entering into the church of Jesus Christ too. I doubt whether there are many church leaders who have never been called upon to counsel with a separated or a divorced person. There-upon the church is placed before the decision to remarry or not remarry a divorced person. The Roman Catholic and Anglican churches are dogmatic on the matter of the remarriage of a divorced person. There just is no question about it; a divorced person will not be remarried in any of their churches. This stand probably led a college girl to say to some of her friends: "Poor Betty, she's going to marry a Roman Catholic fellow. She'll never get her divorce. She will be stuck with him for life."

Government leaders and their advisors are worried about a pending inflation. I'm no financial expert, although I too can see something of what is alarming them. I believe though, there is another matter which is of far greater national importance, and that is this point whereof our Lord Jesus spoke, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder." The large scale disobedience of this order will be catastrophic indeed!

And now, here I may differ with some other adults. Many adults talk as if teenagers are the worst possible bunch of people who inhabit the earth,. I don't know where they get it! I find that young people are far easier to deal and work with than middle-aged or older people. You, young people at least are open for other ideas. You, young people, are at least willing to look at other views, not held by you now. Many middle-aged and older people are so set in their ways, sometimes irrespective of whether these ways are right or wrong, that somehow not even the Bible can convince them of a view they do not hold now. And so as to a pending national crisis concerning the breakup of the marriage life, the church better begin to say to young people, "let us look and listen together to what the Lord Jesus has to say on the subject of 'God's creation order and today's marriage life'. You are the new generation that is to be married ten years from now. We want you to do better than many adults do today."

First of all young friends, Jesus said THAT THERE SHOULD NEVER BE ANY DIVORCES TO BEGIN WITH. And that "to begin with" refers to the creation order. The Lord Jesus said, "Have you not read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one, So they are no longer two but one. What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder."

God created two people, the one was a man and the other was a woman, male and female as the Bible puts it. These two people were in many respects the same, while in some other respects they were not the same. Physically, emotionally, mentally there were and are differences. But then, God did more. He had created them in such a way that they were to be interdependent upon one another. Their love, understanding and desire was directed towards each other. They were created to be a helper for one another; they were created to stand at one another side, filling in and giving toward one another.

Here then in men you have creation's perfect oneness: male and female, a God created unity and union. The Lord Jesus said of this divinely created and instituted oneness that it should not be separated or broken apart by men, by no man, by no woman, by no law, by no judge, by no ruler, by no seducer. We know that God further has spoken, "I hate divorce", Mal. 2 : 16. In other words; you just cannot get it any clearer. We just cannot get it from any higher authority that a land, where marriages break up loft and right, is moving itself toward the brink of disaster.

Now the theologians of Jesus' days, the Pharisees, were well at home in the Law and Prophets. They knew about the divine oneness of the creation order. They also knew that God hated divorce. Thus, Jesus actually was not telling them anything new. But then, the Pharisees had not come to hear anything new. They were traditionalists; they had come to test the Lord Jesus; they were hoping to catch Him in His own words. For we read that when Jesus had said, "What therefore God has joined together , let no man put asunder", they said to Jesus, "why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and put her away?" Our Saviour's reply was, "for your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery".

You will understand, it was on the basis of the Holy Scriptures that we said a while ago, there should never be any divorces to begin with. Thus, what is sometimes glibly called, "the only biblical ground for divorce" may not appear so biblical after all! Sure, we are reminded by the Pharisees that Moses allowed certain people to get divorced. But why? It was because of, "their hardness of heart". This separation and divorce issue was forced upon Moses and he had to deal with it. It was forced upon Moses by disobedient 'and rebellious people. By people whose marriage life had developed in some form of moral incomparability; one of the partners, or both of them for all we know, lived an animal life instead of a human life. And so some people came to Moses and said, "Moses, what are we going to do with this unbearable situation created by our life partner? Do we have to live with this moral rottenness for the rest of our life? This way the whole family life is going to be something of an animal nature". You see, this is what brought on the necessity of "the certificate of divorce" whereof the Lord Jesus spoke here. The whole matter was forced upon Moses as a civil issue and he allowed people to end the unbearable situation.

"What therefore God has joined together let no man put asunder".

"Do you, John Johnson, take Mary McDonald, before God and these witnesses to be your wedded wife." Answer: "I do."

"Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking every other, keep to her only, as long as you both shall live?" Answer: "I will."

"I, Mary McDonald, take you, John Johnson, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in, sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part according to God's Holy ordinance; and therefore I pledge myself truly with all my heart."

Here too we find no provision for separation or for divorce; the marriage consummated is for life. Thus THERE IS ONLY ONE WHO CAN SEPARATE THE TWO AND THAT IS THE CREATOR, THE ONE WHO JOINED THEM TOGETHER.

But then, the separation is a different separation than whereof we have been talking about so far. This kind of separation takes place when God calls one of them away from earth.

Isn't it tragic to find that some couples like to end their marriages at all cost and the sooner the better, while they both continue to live heir own separate way? But other couples who would like to stay together at all cost, often are not able to see this fulfilled . . .

Some couples separate or divorce in spite of what they know God had said about the matter. They knowingly disobeyed God's creation plan. And why? Well, some because they no longer could stand it to live within this hell of moral rottenness, or mental incompatability. Others broke up their marriage life because they wanted "a change". They looked upon the change not as a moral perversion but as some form of romantic thrill.

Then there are still other couples who divorce because they did not know what God had said on the subject of marriage and lifelong oneness. They had never bothered to read the Holy Scriptures! 0, some of them may have heard a -few words about the sanctity of the marriage life when they happened to be in church, either for their own marriage ceremony or for someone else's. But then, what is hearing a few words about the sanctity of the marriage life in comparison with being saturated with that knowledge due to an active life with the Bible and in the church?! There always are a minimum of two people involved in breaking up the marriage life. I emphasize a minimum of two people. Sometimes three, four, or as many as five people are involved! Terrible shall be the judgement of God upon those who seduce the one partner to break up this lifelong union of someone else. Just as terrible as for the one who allowed him or herself to be seduced.

Today everyone can get away with seducing. No one gets behind bars because of it. But o how I wish that all seducers would equally come to know that no one shall get away with it for good! God shall call every unrepentant seducer before His judgement seat, irrespective of whether this person has been a seducer of a married person or of an unmarried person. Hell will be the final state and place of every unrepentant seducer. It is because of this Biblical ignorance and illiteracy, disobedience and outright rebellion, that the whole separation and divorce issue has been forced upon the church of Jesus Christ. Just as during the time of Moses, so today's covenant people are forced to deal with legal separations and divorces granted by civil governments. Now what are we as church to say? Shall we say, never in all of life shall we solemnize the marriage of any divorced person? Or shall we say, because of Christlike pardon, repentance and compassion, we shall seriously consider whether in your case an exception is to be made?

Whatever the answer to the above question is to be, we must remember that it still stands, there should never be any divorce to begin with. Remember, there is only One who can separate us and that One is God. There is no original divine sanction for divorce - even though the Church is placed before such sore facts as adultery, wilful desertion, emotional non-support, etc. It was because of the stubborn sinfulness of man's heart that divorce entered in. It is because there was no other way out, except this last resort. The divorce issue is a sore dilemma. And you will understand that if from two evils a person tries to chose the best, both evils are still wrong. None of them has thereby received God's sanction and become good.

Then too, my young friends, I never have seen a separation or divorce where both husband and wife were truly committed Christians, redeemed by the blood of the Lamb, born anew by the power of the Holy Spirit. Now that should tell something too, should not it? I have seen a few marriage-difficulties in such families, but it never led to lasting separation. There should be comfort -here for those who are presently experiencing a few marriage difficulties. If both of you are truly children of God, your marriage life will last until God shall intervene by calling one or both together away from earth.

And this, my young friends, brings me to the last point. When you are thinking of marriage in the near or far future, you should realize that you thereby also are to say: I AM FULLY READY TO ACCEPT GOD'S CREATION ORDER. I want my marriage with.. . to last for life; I am determined to obey God's law of creation. "For whom God has joined together, let no man put asunder." Before you get married be sure that you are able to say, I am determined to spend the rest of my life with this particular person. Yes, , there is only one way whereby your marriage shall last for life and that is when both of you are children of God - I mean redeemed children of God. Of course, we are all children of God. The whole creation is His. But listen, not all are redeemed children of God; not all husbands and wives to-be are redeemed by the blood of the Lamb and born from above. There are thousands and millions of people who do not see the Light of, the Gospel who are too deaf to near the clear Gospel call. And who consequently refuse to be redeemed, i.e. set free from the power of sin and the grip of the evil, one. And yet this is what is required in order to be sure that your marriage shall last for life - God's redemption, His grace and salvation is your only guarantee.

With that in mind no one should think that the issue of faith in Jesus Christ and the role of His church are matters which can be straightened out after the couple is married. Ninety against ten, that will be too late then; ninety against ten these vital matters concerning faith and church will never be straightened thereafter. As far as the one partner is concerned it shall continue to be put off indefinitely, and as for the other partner his/her decision shall always dangle in mid-air, i.e. never will there be anything spiritual and eternal to hold on for both. Now, who would dare to start out a marriage life on such a basis?! I dare to risk a few things, but. aL no cost would I dare to risk a thing like that!

The above does not mean that every other marriage inevitably would fail. There apparently is s. much "common grace" operative in the world that a number of marriages make it".

A few other matters, which decisions and solutions no one should put off until after the marriage date has, been set, are, some deep rooted moral issues, habits and/or enslavements.

Young friends, whatever these matters might be, get them out in the open as soon as you are going steady, discuss them thoroughly, pray about them boldly. And by the grace of God, break the moral habit or spiritual enslavement before the devil's chain becomes unbreakable. Every day longer you wait with it, every year you longer put it off; every day and year it shall be harder to kick the habit, what ever the habit or enslavement might be.

How to break with these things? These things you break by the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit. You can't do it in your own strength. Yes, that is where your redemption comes in! God will set you free, if you let Him ... The Holy Spirit will give you strength, if you ask for it ... So, that is where prayer, the Bible, the church, and faith comes in.

In order to still understand and more truly apply the "what therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder", be sure my young friends that it is God who is joining you two together. Many marriages are consummated - legally fixed and bound, whereof the church finds it difficult to say: look here, God joined these two together. Now, it is not so important whether you or I can say it, but if the couple could be objective they would not be able to say it either! And that is far worse! That indeed is serious. Then it becomes God said, I did not join these two together; they did it themselves, apart from my Holy will and without regard of My Holy book.

There is much premature joining together. "She is such a pretty girl. She has such beautiful blond hair." So what?! "Well, it means I love her, I want to marry her." 0 come on now, there is much more to a lifelong happy marriage life than a pretty face and beautiful blond hair! Next week the hair might be dyed black, red, or brown and what are you going to do then? Or she might be wearing a wig! God looks at the heart, you know. And you better begin to do a little of that too

"He's such a handsome young fellow. He has such beautiful black, wavy hair. I love him. I want to marry him." For life? And what about if the handsomeness wears off, and the beautiful black wavy hair begins to fall out? There are a lot of men you know who had plenty of beautiful black wavy hair, but who have now none of it left. What are you going to do then? Don't you think there should be something else and more permanent to make your marriage stick and klick, for life? Yes, there is ! And it is not a thing, it is character; it is faith in God the Father, and God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. And you will understand that is where the Bible, the church, prayer, obedience, and commitment comes in.

Then there is that other premature joining together which has not God's sanction either, and that is to grab for the husband-wife relationship before the two are scripturely, legally, and publically joined together. Premarital sexual intercourse is practiced widely. Sometimes as far as the parents of the two, brothers and sister and friends are concerned, the boy and girl both get away with it. Sometimes the boy gets away with it, but not the girl. And then there is another "welfare case". Sometimes neither one of them gets away with it, and then it becomes "a forced marriage". Now, no matter how widely this is practiced, proclaimed and condemned, premarital sexual intercourse does not carry God's approval. When the couple is not joined scripturely, legally and publicly, the couple is not joined together by God, proper; and therefore must refrain from husband-wife relationship. If they do not, they have joined themselves together, outside God's law and order.

We are not saying, that whenever the marriage is "forced" this couple is morally worse than the couple whose marriage was not forced. That couple may morally be more depraved than the other for all we know; may be they were "smart" Needless to say, sexual intercourse before the marriage life can have serious consequences for lifelong happiness.

Do you see young people where you are the hope of a better society, the hope of a better nation, the hope of a better world. You stand yet at the beginning; you can yet start out your marriage-life on the right footing; you can yet change what is not right; you are far more able and ready to listen than some others who are older.

True, you too are sinners, but often not half as hardened and stubborn as older sinners are. That is to your credit, and we thank God for it.

Now, do not put your God to shame. Obey Him and follow His will for your life. Remember the words of our Lord Jesus how He said, "What therefore God has Joined together, let no man put asunder,".

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