Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - Feb/88

Contributor - Case Koolhaas

Title - Systematic Training for Effective Parenting

Topic - Parenting

In an effort to find ways of reaching out to the people in our community this fall we offered a class called Systematic Training for Effective Parenting, or "STEP" for short.

From an outreach standpoint, I consider teaching this class as "pre-evangelism". Some of the people who attended this class had never had anything to do with Christianity, but through this class I, and two couples from our congregation, had an opportunity to spend nine evenings with them. We discussed some of their greatest concerns in life. On several occasions we ended up counselling members of the group after the class session was over.

STEP is specifically designed for parents with preschool through middle-school children. STEP/Teen is for parents with junior high and high school age children. The STEP parenting program is one of the most widely used parenting programs offered today. There are several reasons for its popularity.

For one, it is an excellent program. The course presents an effective approach to raising children. The authors of the course, Dr. Don Dinkmeyer and Dr. Gary McKay, promote the use of "democratic procedures" and "democratic relationships" as opposed to the dictatorial or authoritarian methods of the old days or the unstructured permissive approach of the 1950's and 1960's.

The parent's and leader's manuals are well written and cleverly illustrated. The material is brief and concise. The parenting principles taught in the program are practical, easily understood and they work! Learning to use these principles is a matter of learning new skills, and of course, that takes time and persistent practice. The course is designed to encourage parents to use what they are learning.

A second reason for the popularity of STEP is that the course is easy to teach. You do no have to be an expert on the subject of parenting. Actually it is a matter of leading the group step-by-step through the activities and discussion questions in the leader's manual. The program is supported with a set of cassette tapes which have short interchanges between parent and child, designed to stimulate discussion and illustrate the principles taught. Some of the parenting concepts are also explained on the tapes.

The course consists of nine sessions and introduces the following fundamental skills of effective parenting:

* Understanding the goals of misbehaviour;

* Knowing the difference between "good parenting" and "responsible parenting";

* Using the language of encouragement to build your child's confidence and feelings of worth;

* Becoming an effective listener;

* Helping your child to explore alternatives rather than giving "advice";

* Disciplining with natural and logical consequences;

* Holding family meetings;

* Developing your confidence as a parent.

Let me make just a couple of observations about the STEP course. First of all, it is not Christian or Biblical in content. This is a plus in working with parents who are not part of the church. The STEP program is known to many people outside the church. When I led the STEP group, I was up front about being a Christian when I participated in the discussions, but I did not present the course from a Christian perspective.

Second, if STEP is used for an outreach or pre-evangelism program, it is helpful to have at least one or two couples from the congregation participate in the group for the purpose of making friends with the rest of the group members. A social get-together during or at the end of the nine sessions would also be helpful. We encouraged members of the class to attend a presentation by evangelist Jerry Johnston on Teenage Suicide. He happened to be speaking in a nearby church. We had an interesting discussion in class the following week.

There is also a program called "STEP Biblically" which is correlated to the basic STEP program, but I was not very impressed with the quality of the parent workbook or the leader's manual. Materials for the STEP programs can be ordered from: PSYCAN, P. 0. Box 290, Station V, Toronto, Ontario M6R 3A5; or phone: 1-800-26 3-3 5 5 8. Pastor Tom Welscott in Mississauga has also used the STEP program, but I am not aware of any other Reformed Churches in Canada where the program has been used.

Let me give a final suggestion. If you are interested in giving a parenting class within a church setting, or just reading a good book on the topic, you should consider Kevin Leman's excellent book Making Children Mind Without Losing (Fleming H. Revel, 1984). Dr. Lehman presents basically some of the same parenting concepts as the STEP program (he calls it "Reality Discipline") but from a Biblical basis.

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