Regional Synod of Canada - Reformed Church in America

Pioneer Christian Monthly

Date - Feb/77

Contributor - Peter J. Yff

Title - Do Churches Care About Singles?

Topic - Singles

"Churches are set up just for couples, or families. They don't help single people at all."

Hopefully there are many exceptions to this indictment made by one very distressed and upset young woman. Think about your own church for a moment. After someone has worked his, or her, way through the youth groups, what clubs or organizations are there catering especially to Singles?

Two incidents come to my mind as I write this. The first concerned a desperate woman who had attempted suicide, and immediately afterward had contacted TELECARE (a Christian, ecumenical telephone counseling service). It so happened that this writer was the resource person that day, and the telephone . counselor gave me what particulars there were. Upon following up the information with a visit in the dead of night, I found the woman quite hysterical, with badly bleeding wrists, and three children sleeping. She was separated from her husband, and her basic complaint was that of loneliness and frustration. She became very, very angry as we talked (and in the circumstances this was good - it got her mind off the suicide try). She wanted nothing to do with the church, and basically because "the church has nothing for singles."

The complaint is true, and yet not true. The lady mentioned did find help - both professional and supportive. The ending of the story was happy' but the question stuck with me for a long while. "What have you got for singles? Isn't everything - societies, etc., for couples?"

The second incident was not as desperate, nonetheless very moving. It also concerned a young lady, separated, with two small children, and no companionship. She had called in from an amusement place, where she had gone, seeking some form of pleasure. Earlier in the day she broke an appointment with her psychiatrist . . . Her mother was staying with the children. The mother, according to this young lady, couldn't understand the daughter's mental problems. Where could she find friends, where could she find help? ",Who am I? What am I?"

Such questions are not answered in an evening's interview. She had become quite bitter when things churchly came up in the discussion. The church didn't have anything for her - it was just for couples.

Well, I know we preach about a church family, and we drink coffee on Sunday mornings, at least some Sunday mornings. We greet each other at the church, and talk a moment afterward. But what is there for singles in the church, beyond the area of worship? What is there that brings about a sense of belonging, that promotes a oneness within the church family?

The two incidents so briefly described earlier were not church related, or more accurately, were not parish related. Perhaps they were extreme cases, with other stresses and needs colouring the picture. For all that they do illustrate what happens, or at least can happen when there is much aloneness - when the crucial dimension of life goes long unfulfilled.

If the church is a family, a body, there must be provision for the needs of all those related to it. There must also be opportunity for those unrelated to the church to come into its fellowship and find more than the offer of individual salvation and a greeting as one leaves the worship service on Sunday morning.

What is Your church doing for single people?

(Note: This article is purposefully without more direction, in that it is intended to introduce a follow up piece, probably in April, that will deal with the need for caring on the part of the church for her single people. In the meanwhile, don't just brush the question aside. What is your church providing for single people? Are they included, are they made to feel a part? Ed.)

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