The Normal Church - Part Two

Rev. Henry DeKorte

The Uncomfortable Pew

Do Visitors Feel at Home in Your Church?

In the normal world where social creatures interact using behavioural models that have been shaped down through the ages, they have certain well-based expectations. When entering a group as a newcomer, for instance, it is reasonable to expect friendliness along with the assurance of anonymity. When a young lady goes to a party, she will no doubt hear that nauseatingly overused, beat into the ground cliché put to her as the question, "Hi there, come here often?" Now without getting into honour and motive, at least her presence was acknowledged. But can you imagine someone getting up on a chair, pointing to the young lady and yelling, "She’s new here!"? Of course not. She needed to feel welcome without standing out in the crowd in an embarrassing way. Oh, the wisdom and sensitivity of the world.

So what happened to the church? In the fall of 1974, while on my quest for meaning in life, I entered the doors of a church one Sunday morning, hoping to experience the God I knew existed. With the clothing of the counter culture, and with wild hair standing up a good foot in all directions, I was startled to see a church full of conservatively dressed buzz cuts, reminiscent of my days in boot camp. Sitting (or was that hiding?) in the safety of the back row, I sat alone and found it odd that the back row on the other side was jammed, just as in my childhood memories of church. At any rate, I felt secure in my protected vantage point. But boy, was I in for a surprise!

No sooner had the service begun, then the pastor asked if any first time visitors in the congregation would please rise. Standing out like a big ugly cactus in a bed of violets, I found it difficult to not respond. In spite of my insecurities and heightened anxiety, I made it to my feet to be met with a rousing, hand-clapping welcome song. I wondered if they’d ask me to make a speech. I wondered if they’d ask me to sing. I wondered if they’d make me come forward to receive a gift. I wondered if they could sense the embarrassment and tension within. I wondered if I could survive the service. But God is merciful, and somehow I managed.

Then came the sermon. Too uptight to really pay attention to the message, my mind wandered, mostly on an early escape plan. But I was painfully brought back to reality by the words of the pastor—words that seemed to scream from his angry lips. "Long hair is borne out of the spirit of rebellion!" It was obvious to all that I was the object of his lesson. Wanting to exit the building immediately, I realized that that would give the pastor a victory, so I stubbornly endured. Needless to say, my feelings were not those of love and good will. I had one thought on my mind: Nuts to you! (seems to be the idiom du jour), and I carried on my spiritual search in a more user-friendly church across town.

Are there any lessons here? Do we centre out our visitors because that’s the way things have always been done, or are we sensitive to the needs and feelings of newcomers to our midst? Do we permit them the privilege of anonymity, or do we force them to be counted? Are we friendly towards them, or does our own shyness isolate them from the friendship they longingly seek as they visit our churches? Can you spot the visitors in your church because they’re the ones sitting alone, as if carriers of some deadly contagion? Does the sight of a newcomer drive you even tighter into the friendship cliques that form like circling bison into protective rings?

The "world" seems to handle situations like these quite well. Whether camping next to total strangers, attending a party as a newly invited guest, or beginning the first day on the job, there seems to be an understanding of the balanced need for friendliness and anonymity. It’s really not a big deal out there in the normal world. Let’s join them in developing that needed social skill. Realize that you only have one chance to make a first impression. Try to remember that every community has another church that is very deliberate in its "seeker sensitive" approach to welcoming guests and will be only too pleased to reach out to them. Your visitors aren’t asking much. Just be normal. And treat them the same way.