Pioneer Christian Monthly - December, 1981

SEXUAL MORALITY: A Christian Perspective - Part 3
Sharon Van Beek

How do you help your children with peer pressure regarding sex?

Dr.Isaac: As parents we need to 'De aware of the degree of peer pressure regarding sex that our children may be exposed to. We need to be models in our attitudes and actions. We need to be good listeners. We need to know when to move in and when our children are confused and floundering, and we need to back off when they need to work it out for themselves. This requires wisdom which can only come with progressive Christian growth and sensitivity to the leading of the Holy Spirit. Our children are entrusted to us by God; hence we need to confess our inadequacies as parents and commit them prayerfully to His correction and care as well.

Rev. Guinta: From a Value Perspective - The sexual act itself should never be defined in isolation. The modern world in many ways crippled by its specialization tends to particularize in the fashion that leads one to believe that each speciality can be defined and have significance on its own. Not so with Spiritual people. The building of the Spiritual dimension of our lives, depends on the development of the inter-dependence. Thus sex becomes one part of a many-faceted development of the whole person.

Mrs. Hekhuis: Be sure to keep the lines of communication open. Help and encourage them to have healthy, wholesome leisure time activities. Be certain their friends are welcomed in your home. even if it means extra confusion and clutter. Get to know your children's friends personally and treat them with consideration. If you are dissatisfied with their choices of friends, try to specifically explain why, don't just say, "I don't like your friends". If a child has accepted Christ, He will give the added power needed to help him cope. I am a firm believer in children being led to the Lord at an early age. We have too long ignored child evangelism within our churches.

If you discover that your child is experimenting with premarital sex, how should you approach them?

Dr. Isaac: The realities of child-rearing are such that many parents will discover that their teenagers are experimenting with premarital sex. Whatever methods we may use to approach them, they must always be reassured of our love and concern for them. God's love for us is constant even when our response to Him may t)e rebellious. We love our children, we obviously may dislike or even despise what they do.

We as parents need to be informed on sexual matters so that we can at 'east fill in the gaps where our childrens information may be incomplete or distorted. We need to be able to direct them to Christian literature which deals with sexual topics clearly and directly. If we do not feel comfortable or capable of dealing with all the issues, we should direct them to other infon-ned Christians whom we mutually respect.

If a child continues to have premarital sex, what is the parent's responsibility? First of all, if at this stage there continues to be an open, on-going dialogue between parent and child, the underlying family relationship is a healthy one. In many cases, at this stage the child will have gone "underground" to avoid the inevitable hassles of the differing value systems. I feel that it is the parent's responsibility to help the child with the problem of birth control. In a situation where the child obviously knows his parent's principles, this act is one of caring partnership rather than one of condoning sinful activity. As long as the communication remains open, we have the opportunity to continue to reinforce the highest Christian principles regarding sexuality.

Mrs. Hekhuis: Prayerfully, lovingly and with the type of forgiveness Christ owed to those he met - but it is not an easy task. If there were a third person that the child trusted, a teacher, coach, youth leader or pastor, I might suggest that we talk also with that person, butir only if the youngster agreed to doing so, not behind his back and without his consent. I would continue to love him, pray for him, and trust God.

If a child continues with premarital sex, is it the parent's responsibility to provide birth controls

Dr. Isaac: We teach our children many principles, values and facts with the goal of encouraging a behaviour pattern which is positive. By dealing with the facts and principles of birth control within a Christian framework, we are suppliying supplemental information which our children will be (or have been) exposed to.

There are only two methods of birth control which are 100% effective: abstinence and the pill. The former is the biblical standard for singles, however if the choice is not to celibacy, the birth control pill is not only the most effective, but also medically safe in most instances. The logic of reason is often clouded by passion, thus the failure of mechanical birth control methods is directly related to inconsistent and improper utilization.

Rev. Guinta: Birth control is a mentality. That is, it is understood as a normative that sexual relationships should take place. If this is so, such methods are reserved for those who are married. Such methods should never be explained as methods to be used to be "safe". Especially for the unmarried. This encourages a lowering of our Biblical standards -parents are the best teachers.

To suggest they (birth control methods) can be used just in case, is to encourage and expect less than the best. (I Cor. 13:7 Living Letters). Such education should have in mind the married situation, with planned parenthood as the objective.

Mrs. Hekhuis: This is difficult to answer. Each individual situation would have to be prayerfully considered by the Persons involved. No, I don't think so. Part of growing up is being responsible for one's action. If the child persists in wrong actions, he must bear the unpleasant consequences.