No, these are not words from a young man who has fallen in love with a young maiden and now believes that time will kill love, but these are words which the minister hears over the phone.

The minister is flabbergasted for a moment. He is married! But wait. The unknown, anxious, impatient, young couple wants to get married that same night. Luckily, the minister has a meeting that same night so some other pastor has to make a snap decision about an unrealistic approach to marriage.

It is about time that we answer these two vital questions: What is a Christian marriage ceremony and how can a Christian home be maintained in our broken-home age ?

Some ministers feel that they are called only to preach the Gospel. It is just too bad that they are asked to marry people. They do marry them, considering themselves officials of the government in this respect. They read the form; the couple says "yes' with dreamy eyes and choked emotions, And it is all over . . .

Some ministers feel that the world has become so wicked that they are not going to stop the world from becoming more wicked. Marriage is just a game; maybe you win, maybe you lose. If I don't marry the couple somebody else will, so I may as well earn that ten dollars, which often they never get and should never ask for. The minister performs the ceremony. He doesn't put his heart into it. He knows that the vows before God and his church are just so much nonsense. The couple knows it even better. They really despise the "man of God" for it, but well, a wedding is much more impressive in a church than in a court house. Soon the ceremony is all over . . .

Other ministers' approach to a wedding ceremony is to make use of the moment in order to impress upon the couple to be married something of the sacredness of the vows. They counsel them in some things but often discover that little or no conception is found as far as financial, religious and sociological problems in marriage are concerned. The couple gets married with a promise, a prayer and a sigh - perhaps - you never know. They look so innocent. Wasn't she beautiful ? Soon it is all over . . .

We suppose other attitudes of ministers could be described, but what is the proper attitude? We submit that unless Christian ministers wake up to their responsibility as far as marrying people is concerned that God is going to demand from them the misery, malignity, maladjustment and horrible crime of broken homes in many cases.

There is a difference between marrying in the church and marrying before civic authorities. Marrying before the judge is only a contract between two people who consent to walk together to share the things of life, to be faithful to each other. All of this may be done in and out of love. Let the government confirm such a marriage. By the grace of a loving God it may be successful.

A Christian marriage must be successful. Not because perfect people get married, promise loyalty and love to each other, but because a third person is involved. Christ ! It is most and first of all a spiritual tie which is established. A Christian home is built. Children are baptized. Vows not just before people but before God are made. Such a marriage is vested upon the Rock. It will withstand the passing of immature love because the perfect love overshadows it all. Only such is a truly Christian marriage; only such ceremonies can be confirmed by the man of God. Unless the Christian minister will learn this once again, he is responsible for many of the broken homes and houses which are more hell than home!

This leads us to the question how can we establish and maintain a Christian home in an unChristian society ? For this there is no easy solution - particularly not for the immigrant family. Besides the normal tension which exists in every family in any place and at any time in the world, there are the added problems of two cultures often in conflict, the language problem, new mores and customs, uncertainty of job and many more. How to deal with these and other problems should be the concern of every immigrant family and pastor.

Someone who has made a study of the immigrant families here and in Europe concludes that one may say that the European home is centered around the parents, and in some instances almost exclusively around the father, while in this continent the children are the center of concern. In them lies the future. Whether this can be defended to the end may be doubtful. It seems, nevertheless, that there is much truth in this and often respite the good intention of fine parents this difference is often forgotten. How often do we not hear that people immigrated not for themselves, but for their children's sake ? This is a noble ideal, which many parents have not fully understood. For many an older immigrant it must be admitted that this country will never become my country. The children take the lead and become the center, but is this right ?

We would submit that the home should neither be parent centered nor children-centered, but God-. centered. This has many implications and while no easy way out is found, three basic ingredients of a happy Christian home may be:

The three "R's" of the happy Christian home: 1. First there is the common religion. It has often been taken for granted that inter-marriages, although often inevitable, as a whole are not to be recommended. Even this is not recognized by many authorities anymore. Some would even recommend marrying someone from a very different faith so that true tolerance and understanding be taught in the same home. Pa is Jewish and mother a Christian Scientist. Well, wonderful, than the children may well grow up a very tolerant nobody who could marry either a Jew or Christian Scientist or anything else for that matter. Tolerance we need, we worship and fight for. For someone ho has no conviction of any kind this may work out, but to the true believer it is absolutely impossible to adapt this as a basis for a home which will be neither Christian nor likely anything else. To serve two masters will be impossible, particularly in the home. Common religion is a must for a happy home.

2. A sense of responsibility is a second requirement for a happy home. Love may cover a multitude of sins but not irresponsibility. In fact it is part of true love to care for the family and its needs. We may well learn the lesson of Jacob who worked 7 years for his dream girl Rachel,

and then found out that it was a Leah with whom he had to put up with. It was a short lived honeymoon after years of hope and work for Jacob ' But unless many a modern couple learns some thing from Jacob here, their marriage may well be another case in a divorce court. Immaturity, irresponsibility and impatience any expert in the field of marriage counseling will tell you are the causes of failure of many marriages. If a Polenesean boy can swim, fish and climb a tree he may be ready for marriage, but in our country more is needed than that. A happy home still needs a good trade, steady job, a sense of responsibility and some mean's of income which is somewhat secure. A sense of responsibility is essential for a happy marriage.

3. The third ingredient for a happy home is a sense of respect for the individual. It is the right to be what God made you. Despite all proclamation of the freedom of woman and all attacks upon the Biblical concept, we would submit that the phrase "Male and female created He them" is still basic to the happy home. Imitation is not healthy but one of the most sickening phenomenons of this age. A girl has the right to be a girl and should be encouraged to bring out that which makes her a girl. But also the older woman has the right to be herself. Who doesn't pity the older (?) lady who tries to be a teenager ? Green hair, orange lipstick, blue eye shadow covering brown pupils and what ever else may be the style. It is the unalienable right of every woman to be herself and to find some time to give expression to her freedom, to her own native feelings. There is the danger that she becomes the slave in the household not only, but just as much the slave in an artificial society. The right and respect to be herself and to 'give expression to this is absolutely essential not only to the woman but also to the man. God created man complete in his image, but woman too. In a happy home the rights and respect for each other should always, be seen as equal creatures in the eyes of God.