Such a home does not come about by accident, but takes a commitment on the part of a husband and wife to build something bigger than themselves. Both take part in setting goals for the family for spiritual growth in each other's lives as well as in the wives of their children, goals for intellectual growth, communication, as well as setting financial priorities. We have a commitment to spend one evening a week out together, even just for coffee, without children, just to talk. This is our time to discuss our goals and evaluate our progress in attaining them. We discuss ways of having family worship times, the needs of each child and what we can do to meet those needs, and what we need from each other. This way, we keep in touch with what the other is thinking and feeling, what discouragements they're experiencing, how we can help uplift them. We choose books to read together to continue growing in the same areas. As we observe families in society and even in our churches, we see several different patterns of relating. Some seem to exist only to meet the needs of one person in the family, thus all are dominated by either the husband, wife or child and all serve that one person. Or we see two people living together but operating in separate worlds, drawing from their own strength. The biblical pattern of two becoming one flesh, having the same purposes, working together, loving each other, drawing strength from each other, as well as the Lord, can only be reached by following Scriptural principles.

Eph. 5:31 - 33, so familiar to all of us, is probably the most misunderstood passage of all time. Unity as opposed to togetherness, begins with submission to one another. Humility is to be a primary characteristic of being a Christian, seen in a willingness to receive encouragement, exhortation, rebuke and instruction from each other. Within this context, the husband is the head of the home, being responsible to God for his family's well-being, spiritual and emotional, as well as physical. What does a wife expect of her husband as spiritual leader? Most importantly, a man who has a close personal walk with the Lord, for from this comes his ability to communicate his love for God to his children and foster that same love in them for Him. His wife is confident of his ability to know God's will and lead because of the character strength and personal integrity that comes from the Lord making him into Christ's image. He takes the initiative in spiritual things from family worship times, to actively teaching his children Christian morals and values, to initiating prayer together especially in decision making.

And what is a submissive wife? She is one who doesn't compete with her husband for leadership, but makes it easy for him to be what God wants him to be. It doesn't mean she has no opinions or original ideas, but she is not so aggressive and verbal that her husband abdicates his responsibility. On the other hand, a good leader is not a dictator and his wife is his best consultant.

Where there is a close relationship between husband and wife, children develop a positive view of God, of safety, loyalty, forgiveness and a myriad of other qualities. The goal is not perfection in family members, but wholeness and a sense of well-being. The Lord will bring about the unity we desire as we do things His way, allowing His Spirit to work in and through us.